Far be it from you, O Lord.
Abraham is bargaining with God to spare Sodom, if even 50 good men are found. No, 45 good men. What about 20? If even 10 good men are found, God agrees to spare the city. The meditation accompanying this reading focuses on forgiveness and sin, as going hand in hand.
God judges. In Sodom, the city is destroyed, except those prompted and wiling to leave. But wait, what about an all-loving, all forgiving God? Apparently, there’s a bit of a catch. God is forgiving, if forgiveness is sought and some acknowledgement of the underlying sin. I know I’m guilty of breaching each of these tenants, and I suspect we all are.
It’s too easy to take for granted God’s mercy and love. I don’t necessarily need to ask for it, to seek forgiveness, right? What if I’m too busy? Or what if someone else is to blame? They started it! Sometimes I don’t think I need forgiveness, and sometimes I’m too busy to bother. Wrong and dangerous on both counts. Our tradition’s morning prayer includes a public of sin, so at least once a day, I genuinely seek forgiveness for sin. At least most days it’s genuine.
I’m not talking about walking around flogging myself for my wretched nature. But rather to acknowledge when I’ve done something less than my best self, and to seek forgiveness. In my home life, I have plenty of opportunities when dealing with sick loved one. I frequently behave not like my best self. Seeking forgiveness, asking for it, praying for it, acknowledging the sin – would probably feel cleansing.
The second condition about God’s forgiveness is something about our intention regarding that sin. It’s not enough to say, “oops, I sinned. Please forgive me”, and then continue with abandon the same behaviors and sins.
When thinking about sin and forgiveness, I’m reminded of the scene from the movie, “Dead man walking”. Susan Sarandon plays Sister Helen Prejean, a woman who accompanies people on death row. Sean Penn plays a man convicted of a brutal rape and murder. He’s been belligerent and unremorseful throughout the whole movie. But as he’s strapped in, prior to his lethal injection, he tells Susan he’s seeking forgiveness.
So does that one sentence undo a lifetime of sin and evil and death? I suspect only God knows. There are plenty of inmates – as well as plenty of us – who throw up a “please forgive me”, simply to get a false sense that we’ve covered our bases by asking. People who are falsely contrite. But then again, there are inmates – as well as plenty of us – who are genuinely aggrieved by our own actions and seek forgiveness, with a genuine acknowledgement of the sin we have committed.
Seeking forgiveness isn’t about spit polishing our lives, to diminish our sins. Rather, it’s about acknowledging the depth of our foibles and failings. And understanding that God loves and forgives us despite that. That makes the forgiveness all the sweeter.
This morning, I’m thinking about how to see my failings genuinely, and still seek God’s mercy. I have a priest friend who kept two notecards in his pocket. On one, she put prayer requests she’d received during the day, so she’d remember. The second, she listed her sins, big and small, so she’d remember. Then when it came time to lead worship and say the words, “Most merciful God, we confess that we have sinned against you, in thought, word and deed”, she had a fresh and raw understanding of what sins she’d committed. Maybe I’ll try creating one of those for myself.
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