Lent 2022-The Woman and the Cave - Meditative Writing

This week, we were invited to think about meditative writing. I previously wrote about my discomfort with passive meditation. Like many, I find it too 'hard'. Doing something, anything, while trying to mediate helps me out, whether it's walking, singing, drawing or writing.  

Have you ever tried to breathe deeply for any length of time? It's frequently used to ease into prayer or meditation. And the part that makes me chortle is when the instruction adds that it is to be natural. Hmm? As soon as I try to breathe in a particular way, it stops being involuntary. I can't not think about it.  

Something similar happens when I think about meditative writing. When I think about, about writing meditatively, it stops being meditative. It becomes far more laborious. 

Having said that, I can meditatively write. I just don't think about it or name it. Rather, I set the stage and write. Most mornings, my musings are definitely meditative. I read, I pray, I write. I'm in the zone. I suspect that some days they make less sense than others, and some days there are more typos and missing words than others. That's all because I'm just writing. 

When I think about it, or edit it, or try to force it, I'm definitely not in the zone. It's more forced and hard. 

I have the opportunity to preach this Sunday, Palm Sunday. I realized that my struggling to write a sermon could and should be erased if I approached it as meditative writing. Read, pray, write. Don't think, don't edit, don't check the word count. Then, once something is down on paper, however jumbled, let it rest. Return and edit. 

This is not an untested theory; previous sermons that have been full of ease and grace followed this pattern in their creation. The sermons I struggle with are those that I allow my head to wrestle with before my soul has had her say. 

This week's invitation into meditative writing has given me a name for my better sermon-writing experiences. Yesterday, I set the stage and lit the candle. I read the passages, prayed, and wrote. Today, I'll edit and fill in all the missing words.

 

Lent 2022 - The Woman and the Cave - Meditative Writing

 

Meditative Writing. What is it? And why do it?

I've tried the traditional kind of meditation - sitting still, repeating a sacred word, or trying to find the space between thoughts. All of these are successful strategies, and few people come to them easily. Meditation, like any new skill, takes practice. We need to exercise our meditation muscles. It's like Jon Kabat-Zinn said, "Don't just do something, sit there".  

Perhaps I could get better at it, but none of these methods seem to be something I can practice with any constancy. I need something to 'do', something to keep my active side busy enough, so my contemplative side can contemplate.  I'm much better when I meditate while doing something. I can walk and meditate, knit and meditate, and as it turns out, write and meditate. That's the focus of this week's exercise from The Woman and the Cave, written by Kristen Wheeler. 

Meditative writing is just what it sounds like - writing while meditating, or meditating while writing. To meditate, get comfortable, stay present, acknowledge wandering or intrusive thoughts then let them go. 

For me, writing keeps me focused on the present. I light a candle, and write. My prompts are normally scripture I've read, although when life gets harder, sometimes I write about more personal matters, like my sick loved one. 

So this week, you are invited to find 5-20 minutes, make yourself comfortable, breath deeply, find a prompt, and write. Your prompt could be scripture, nature, an icon, Lent, something happening in your life. Give it a try. It could be by hand, or on a computer. But just write. 

We'll check in on Friday, and see how it went.  

Lent 2022 - The Woman and the Cave - Icons

Icons. 

While I don't use Pinterest a lot, I admit that I have an "Icons and Inspiration" board. I have been adding things to it since I started preaching, about 10 years ago. 

I am not normally a mystic. I don't normally sit still. I don't normally sit and contemplate things. But icons help me with all of these. Icons help me settle down and settle in for some time of prayerful thinking, possibly even prayer itself.

Similar to seeing a moving made about a book, the movie images forever paint a picture in your mind about the characters in the book. Who can think about Harry Potter without thinking of Daniel Radcliffe? But Radcliffe is just one image for the character. 

Before seeing the movies, I'm not sure what my image was, but it wasn't the same as the movie characters. The same thing happens with icons. There are some beautiful historic icons that were written either with a historic style, like the traditional Greek and Russian icons. These icons are written from the perspective of the writer, similar to the casting of a movie. 

But that's just one person's image, and sometimes those images don't work for me. Or at least they constrain my imaginings about the person, or the story. That's why I have this icon board.

(I apologize for the wonky placement of the pictures and words in this post. I haven't mastered the code to make them behave as I'd like, so they just appear in random places..)

These first three icons are images of Mary Magdalene. We don't know much about her but what we do know is largely framed by the producers of a male-dominated narrative. I don't know much about these three icons, but they're rich with imagery that would be interesting to learn about.  

More interesting to me are the faces of Mary. She was a woman with an amazing back story, and fascinating access to Jesus. The stories I conjure in my mind about Mary are as varied as the images I see in these icons. Time contemplating will give me a richer understanding of Mary. 

These other icons are of Mary, mother of Jesus, and I value them because they remind me that my Euro-centric image of Scripture is only one perspective, and given the ethnicity of people in the Middle East, it's likely grossly inaccurate.  

Icons let me go beyond my rather myopic view of things, and then let me rest and pray, while looking at something tangible. The tangible pictures help ground my concrete way of thinking. 

I grabbed all of these photos from Pinterest, and apologize for no attributions.

Lent 2022 - The Woman and the Cave - The Color Red

 

This is my thoughts on the Lenten Journey, "The Woman and the Cave", created by deacon postulant and icon writer Kristen Wheeler. 

This week, we were to think about the color red. Kristen offered a great reflection on red to get the juices flowing. And here is mine.

I've heard that if you want to have a good sense of what colors work well together, look in nature. Whether it's the colors of the desert contrasted against the blue sky, the colors of a Portland cloudy sky, the ocean, or the colors in a field of wild flowers. After hearing that, I've paid attention to natural views to see how God puts colors together. It's always amazing.  To be clear, this is not true with man-made vistas; whether it's a poorly designed flower bed, or bad colors on a building. I'm talking about God's palette, not ours.  

When looking out at God's paintings and sculptures, red sees to be one of the least commonly used colors. For me, that means that when it shows up, it's absolutely striking. The red in that perfect sunset. One red poppy in a field of otherwise-pastel wildflowers.  The scarcity of natural red causes me to halt whenever I see it.

The one exception to my theory about the frequency of natural reds is in roses. Portland Oregon has a beautiful and expansive Rose Garden. And I admit that when I get to the rows and rows of red, it's overwhelming. Too much red. To be clear, it's beautiful but it's also so RED, it's almost too much. Then again,  most of the rose varieties now are more human engineered than nature, and certainly rows and rows of RED roses are humanly planted. 

In my church traditions, we designate different seasons of the church year with different colors, and red is one of the colors. And like in nature, it's the least frequently used colors. We wear red and cover the altar in red on Pentecost, to remind us of the fire of the Holy Spirit. We also wear red for Palm Sunday, when the passion of Jesus is read. Two times a year.  It's striking when it appears in nature and in church. 

Another unique thing about red is that if you try to find a lighter red, soon it ceases to be red and instead becomes pink. Do the same to blue, yellow or green, and you get light blue, light yellow or light green. They remain their colors. But red is only red when it's full of pigment. 

All of that is to say that I have a healthy respect for the color red. It's a beautiful color, rich with meaning, scarce in nature, and saturated with pigment. There's nothing common about red. I'm not sure I'd say I love the color red, although I love when I get wear my red vestments.
 

And Mary's red egg?  Startling, rich with meaning, and pigment. Red seems to be one way God gets us to stop what we're doing and pay attention. 

What do you think about when you think of the color red?

Lent 2022 - The Woman and the Cave - Week 3

 

Below is my reflection from The Woman and the Cave, a lenten journey created by Kristen Wheeler. 

My loved one is either becoming more symptomatic, or is becoming more healthy and returning to their surly, button pushing ways. The other night, we spoke and several button-pushing topics were broached. One had to do with an expensive hair appointment that I paid for, that apparently has been cancelled with no return of payment. Even still, our loved one wants another appointment for another hefty fee. The other topic was more challenging for me. Our loved one is on birth control. They would like to stop taking it, because they'd like to get pregnant from their husband, a famous rapper, that as far as we can tell, is only connected to our loved one in her mind. I have no interest in caring for an infant, and our loved one assured us that pregnancy would not happen.  Ugh. Ugh. 

Despite my ultimatums that night, (you cannot have a baby until you're living independently, or you must be on birth control if you live here), I am not able to control either. They may elect to stop taking birth control, and I cannot force it. Likewise, if they do get pregnant, I would not be able to force them towards adoption, nor would I be able to kick out my very sick loved one, and a baby.  

When we spoke with our loved one, my reaction was definitive, with no curiosity at all.  I didn't ask questions, and I didn't leave any room for discussion. I just said no.  I was not at my best. 

I mention all of this because in another era, my loved one could be described as having demons, just like Mary Magdalene. When our loved one was very symptomatic, they used plural pronouns. We are hungry. We don't want to go. I didn't understand until reading Mark, when the 'demoniac' responds that his name is legion, for we are many. I read that, and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. My loved one and their voices were responding. Other times, my loved one uses third person to refer to themself, because the voice is responding to us, and referring to our loved one in the third person.The notion that Jesus cast out seven demons from Mary feels too close. It feels very very real, both to my loved one, and to us.

Lord Jesus, you saved Mary Magdalene from her tormenting demons. Be with my loved one. Let my loved one know that your presence and your love are all they need. While they are living with their demons, grant them peace, and comfort despite the torment. 

Lord Jesus, you approached Mary Magdalene while she was sick and tormented. You offered her love and grace. Be with me as I support my loved one who is sick and tormented. Give me the strength to give them love and grace, even when my buttons are pushed.

Lord Jesus, you healed Mary Magdalene from her demons and illness. Be with the researchers, doctors, friends, community, and caregivers of sufferers of a significant brain disease. Let us all bring your healing power to those suffering. 

All this I pray in your name.   Amen.

Lent 2022 - The Woman and the Cave - Week 3

This week we have the opportunity to review both scripture related to Mary Magdalene and various prayers to Mary Magdalene. 

Here is a link to the Woman and the Cave, written by iconographer Kristen Wheeler

For the scripture review, we are asked to read through the scriptures and see what stands out. Then take some markers or something to draw with, and pray/doodle. If you need inspiration about that, I'd encourage you to look at Praying in Color. It's a technique where you think about something, draw it, doodle around it, all the while praying. When my son was jumping out of planes in Army Ranger School, I wrote the names of my son and his fellow soldiers, as I prayed for their safety. It was very very good for my soul, and I stayed focused on praying for a good 30 minutes every time.  The pens and color kept my 'need to be busy' Martha traits busy, while my Mary traits prayed. 

For the prayers, we are asked to consider writing our own prayer about Mary. It could also be a prayer for someone you know who may be in Mary's position, and could use the unconditional unreasonable love from Jesus, just like Mary did. I am not normally that kind of creative person, but I will endeavor to write a prayer, and share it on Friday. Whether you share it or not, I would encourage you to give it a try.  Here's one of the listed prayers that spoke to me.

Mary Magdalene was the first to greet your risen Son and carried the news of his triumph over death to the disciples. Strengthen us to be faithful witnesses to the gospel in the world and grant your grace to all who preach and teach the faith.

Lord, hear us.
Lord, graciously hear us.

Lent 2022 The Woman and the Cave - Week 2

 

I gave it a soul and he took that soul to heaven for me, burying it deep within him as he did for everyone he healed.

Mary has first encountered Jesus. She is a broken woman, with a broken body, broken spirit and broken mind. She's cognitive enough to know she's broken, which is a horrible fate. Jesus meets her and healed her. 

This part of the story I had envisioned many times. In Kristen Wheeler's vision, I appreciate a new part, or at least new to me. Jesus heals Mary by taking her wounds upon himself, as he does for everyone. 

I've heard plenty of words about Jesus taking away the sins of the world. In my brain, it's as if that's a magic act. Sins here.. Poof, they're gone.. Magic.  I don't suppose I've ever thought about a transaction that involves two people - me and Jesus. Or about the laws of physics, that if something exists it can change form or change place, but it does not disappear. Sins and pain and sorrow can't just disappear, although over time it can dissipate.  Jesus takes that sin and pain and sorrow. At the cross, Jesus took a whole bunch of pain and sorry on his shoulders. 

In my mortal world, I think about when a friend is in pain or sorrow or grief. I cannot necessarily make it go away, but I can share it, simply by my presence. And by sharing it, I can lessen it - even if for a little while. 

Jesus does this but much much better. When we sit with Jesus, he shares our pain to the point of taking it all on himself. 

In Kristen's vision, she also talks about Mary giving her old broken self a soul, and letting Jesus take it to heaven to bury it. I like this image. I have a loved one with schizophrenia. It's easy to blame this illness on evil or the devil. It's easy to want to banish that part of my loved one to hell. But it's a part of them. While it doesn't define them, it is them.  And there is nothing about them that I would ever want to go to hell, even the worst parts. Their whole selves are heaven-worthy.  

On a personal note, I have my own dark and twisted bits that I'd like banished. And I love the notion that these parts of me are buried in heaven. They don't define me, but they aren't separate from me. And they cannot be separated from me.  Thank you Jesus, for having the compassion and cosmic space to take all of my dark bits, my loved one's trials, the world's woes, and bury them in a holy place.  Through Jesus we can be renewed and transformed, because he keeps those parts. 

Lent 2022 - Week 2 - The Woman and the Cave - Vision

 This week, we jump right in to the vision Kristen Wheeler had, that prompted her to create this Lenten Journey. 

Here's a link to the PDF version of the guide. 

womanandcave

For this week, I will be reading the story, "The Woman and the Cave", beginning on page 6 of her guide.  I will also be listening to the audio version Kristen recorded, found here: 

https://www.thehiveapiary.com/post/shewasthefirst

I have read through the story quickly, and here are a few of my quick thoughts:

• This is a vision from a creative person about an important and under-valued person from our Christian story. It is not scripture It is one person's interpretation.  I say this in NO WAY to diminish her vision or story, but to ask that anyone reading it get beyond the visionary liberties taken. Because of her visions, there are parts of this story you have not read in scripture. That's ok. Don't get hung up on the parts that differ from your understanding or knowledge about Mary Magdalene.  

• The activity after the reading (p. 11) asks us to do two things. The first is to imagine the scene. See, smell, feel, listen. Sit with the story so you can understand it with your senses.  As a sensory learner and understander, I love this. It makes things like visions and dreams easier for me to understand. If you're an intuit, try to get in touch with your senses. If you're a sensory person, rejoice in this opportunity to let your senses soar. 

• The second activity is to spend time with the imagery of the cave. After last week's exercise to learn Plato's Cave story, this week, we place Mary in a cave and imagine it. We're invited to grab pictures from the internet, or draw pictures. I will try to draw, working on my growing edge of creativity.  

• After Kristen's vision (p. 6), She's listed several scripture verses that narrate Mary's story (p. 12) Read through those, and then reconsider Kristen's vision. 

• If you are a visionary or an intuit, I'd invite you to sit with the scripture verses and if so inspired, share your own Mary narrative. To be clear, I don't do this to dismiss Kristen's at all, but rather to let the Spirit move you as you interact with this material.  

There is an activity at the end of the offered scriptures, but I will tackle that next week. I just offered the scripture readings for this week's activity to ground us in what's already written from the men who wrote the scripture. 

Thank you for joining me on this journey. 

Lent 2022 – The Woman and the Cave Week 1 – Introduction

Anyone who has common sense will remember that the bewilderments of the eyes are of two kinds, and arise from two causes, either from coming out of the light or from going into the light. 

Plato’s Cave

Kristen Wheeler, author of this Journey relates that it all started with a vision. I have had precisely one vision or experience that I could attribute to God. I have a friend who pointed out that a vivid dream I had probably 20 years ago was also a God-thing.  I’m a little thick when it comes to recognizing visions or theophanies (great word, look it up).  I had a colleague who suggested that regardless of whether you have one or dozens of visions, the challenge is to figure out why that vision, why that time, why you.  It’s between you and God, and there’s nothing accidental about the timing or content. It’s tempting to put such visions in a display case, and store them away as amazing events without evaluating or digging into them. I believe we lose the importance then. 

My single self-identified vision resulted in a lengthy search for meaning, and the eventual acknowledgment of God’s call to me as a deacon.  Visions matter and should be explored. What do you think about visions? Have you had any and what resulted?

This reflective journey relies partly on Plato’s “The Allegory of the Cave”.  If you haven’t looked into it at all, I’d recommend you do. If you’ve been following me for any time, you know I am definitely not cut out for philosophy of any kind; it almost makes my head hurt.  But wanting to dig deep into this journey (mostly for my interest in Mary Magdalene), I read and wrestled with The Cave. 

I will certainly not do it justice, but it’s important to understand the allegory a little.  Here’s my best attempt.  

• Some people are captive in a cave. They’re chained so they face a wall, and cannot look at anything but the wall.  Behind them is a low wall, a walkway, and a fire, in that order. 

• Other people walk on the walkway, and carry things. The wall is high enough that it obscures the people, but not what they’re carrying. Because of the fire behind the walkway, the objects that are carried are shadowed on the wall in front of the captives. They cannot see the people walking, just the shadows of what they’re carrying. 

• All the captives know is the shadows of the objects. They do not know and cannot see the objects themselves, nor the people. 

*  (Carter’s aha about this)  We spend much time chained to a wall. We see shadows on the wall and think it’s a real thing. It’s not. It’s just a shadow of a secondary thing – we don’t even see the people walking. Just shadows of what they’re carrying. We think it’s all there is.  We perceive shadows of things as reality. It’s not. 

• One prisoner is freed, and turns around, sees the fire and realizes that the shadows are not real, or at least they’re only hints at what is real. He figures this out all without leaving the cave, and just by turning around and seeing the fire and the people walking. 

• The freed prisoner leaves the cave and momentarily is blinded by the light.  Eventually, his eyes adjust and he realizes that his epiphany about reality in the cave is nothing, compared to the reality outside the cave. He marvels at the new, bright reality outside the cave. 

• The freed captive returns to the cave to describe what he’s seen and experienced in turning around, and in leaving the cave. 

• When he enters the cave, the darkness temporarily blinds him, and he cannot see. 

• The remaining wall-facing captives believe that whatever is outside, beyond their very limited world, is what blinded him. They contentedly dismiss notions of “reality” as described by the freed captive, and return to their shadow reality. 

* (Carter’s aha about this) Sometimes I’m the freed captive, who has my moment of clarity. I try to return and share what I’ve seen and experienced. It’s unheeded, because it’s so impossible to relate. I’ve read a similar Sufi story with a punchline something like, an ocean frog could never describe the ocean to a pond frog. 

* Frequently, I’m the captive who doubts and questions a new frightening reality, and instead returns to my certain and unreal notion of the real. 

I can imagine Mary’s literal “come to Jesus” moment, when she saw the light and realized there was a whole different reality than the one she’d previously know. I can imagine her momentary blindness as she reenters the cave, and tries to explain to others what she’s seen. I’m very intrigued in digging deeper into her experience, and how it relates to me.  

What do you think?

Logistical note: If you are interested in commenting but want be anonymous, feel free to message me and I’ll post it anonymously. I want everyone to feel free to comment and share. I believe that if you comment directly on the blog, you can comment anonymously.  Let me know if that’s not the case. 

Week 1 - Lent 2022 - Introduction

 

Created by Kristen Wheeler

   And so Lent begins.   

As I mentioned yesterday, I will be praying my way through this resource, The Woman and the Cave, created by Kristen Wheeler, and I invite you to join me.  Starting next week, on Monday, I'll outline what I'm focusing on for the week, and on Friday, I'll post something inviting us to share online.  

To start this journey, I plan to read the introduction of the journey, and seek out more information about Plato's Allegory of the Cave. Although it's a short week, I will share my thoughts about this and kick off our journey this Friday, March 4. During that first online sharing opportunity, I'd welcome your comments and thoughts not only about the Cave, but also about a few logistical thoughts I've had.  

• While I'm clearly willing to share my innermost blatherings, maybe not everyone is. If folks are really going to participate, and want it more private, like just the group participating, I can create a group so it's just us. Let me know. 

• If it would be more useful to gather virtually online, like a Zoom meeting or something, please let me know and I can set something up. Given work schedules, I'm thinking Saturday late morning, but whatever works for most.

• I have some friends who are not on Facebook but would be interested. I would be willing to migrate this to something more universally acceptable if that would be useful for anyone else. I'm thinking a Google Group, although they can be clunky.

I welcome your comments and thoughts.  Thank you for joining me on this journey. 

Day 303 - A Lenten Break

 As I pray about what I’m going to intentionally do during Lent, I am drawn to a Lenten Prayer Journey resource written by a friend and iconographer. Kristen Wheeler has written a short reflection about Mary Magdalene, who was called the Apostle to the Apostles. From a variety of places and even more reasons, Mary’s story and wisdom has been overlooked in Christianity. For the early Roman Catholic church, her gender and sexuality demoted her to the sinful prostitute with seven demons. Many protestant and evangelical traditions are not comfortable with saints and icons, and focus on what the canonized scripture literally says. 

For Lent this year, I’m going to make my way through this journal, The Woman and the Cave. On Mondays I’ll share what I’m focusing on for that week, and Fridays, I’ll share my reflections. My hope is that some of you will join me, and our reflections can be mutual honest places to wrestle with Mary’s truths. Kristin Wheeler, author and icon writer is invited too.  

My own thoughts about icons and saints. I don’t believe an icon is a graven image. I believe it’s more like the cross. The cross isn’t just two perpendicular sticks. It isn’t even just the sign of ancient Roman execution. It’s so much more. When I contemplate on the cross, there’s a multitude of meanings that change as I do. 

Another analogy, perhaps less glamourous is that an icon is an image that represents something else. When you see a red light at a traffic stop, you know that it means to stop. It doesn’t say stop, it means stop. 

Icons that include people’s faces are helpful for me, as I’m such a concrete thinker. To see the face of Jesus, to look in his eyes, I am viscerally affected by the humanity of Jesus.  

I have a guest room in my new-to-me-house. I will be making some modifications to it, to make it more appealing, and I will take my computer and journal and candle and markers upstairs every morning to make space for God, and more connection between me and God during Lent. This Lent I’ll use this Prayer Journal.  

I hope that I will continue periodically with my “Year through the Bible” reflections, but they may not be daily. I need to do something different. I only have 62 days to go before I’m done with the consecutive reading through the Bible, and I really want to finish, so hopefully. ..

I also will continue to share updates of the massive remodel and resurrection of this house. That work will continue. Updates of my loved one with the significant brain disorder will be provided, when there’s anything new to say.  

In the meantime, I invite you to join me on this Lenten Journey. If you are not interested in joining, I hope you enjoy my Woman and the Cave reflections. Happy Shrove Tuesday.