Below is my reflection from The Woman and the Cave, a lenten journey created by Kristen Wheeler.
My loved one is either becoming more symptomatic, or is becoming more healthy and returning to their surly, button pushing ways. The other night, we spoke and several button-pushing topics were broached. One had to do with an expensive hair appointment that I paid for, that apparently has been cancelled with no return of payment. Even still, our loved one wants another appointment for another hefty fee. The other topic was more challenging for me. Our loved one is on birth control. They would like to stop taking it, because they'd like to get pregnant from their husband, a famous rapper, that as far as we can tell, is only connected to our loved one in her mind. I have no interest in caring for an infant, and our loved one assured us that pregnancy would not happen. Ugh. Ugh.
Despite my ultimatums that night, (you cannot have a baby until you're living independently, or you must be on birth control if you live here), I am not able to control either. They may elect to stop taking birth control, and I cannot force it. Likewise, if they do get pregnant, I would not be able to force them towards adoption, nor would I be able to kick out my very sick loved one, and a baby.
When we spoke with our loved one, my reaction was definitive, with no curiosity at all. I didn't ask questions, and I didn't leave any room for discussion. I just said no. I was not at my best.
I mention all of this because in another era, my loved one could be described as having demons, just like Mary Magdalene. When our loved one was very symptomatic, they used plural pronouns. We are hungry. We don't want to go. I didn't understand until reading Mark, when the 'demoniac' responds that his name is legion, for we are many. I read that, and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. My loved one and their voices were responding. Other times, my loved one uses third person to refer to themself, because the voice is responding to us, and referring to our loved one in the third person.The notion that Jesus cast out seven demons from Mary feels too close. It feels very very real, both to my loved one, and to us.
Lord Jesus, you saved Mary Magdalene from her tormenting demons. Be with my loved one. Let my loved one know that your presence and your love are all they need. While they are living with their demons, grant them peace, and comfort despite the torment.
Lord Jesus, you approached Mary Magdalene while she was sick and tormented. You offered her love and grace. Be with me as I support my loved one who is sick and tormented. Give me the strength to give them love and grace, even when my buttons are pushed.
Lord Jesus, you healed Mary Magdalene from her demons and illness. Be with the researchers, doctors, friends, community, and caregivers of sufferers of a significant brain disease. Let us all bring your healing power to those suffering.
All this I pray in your name. Amen.
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