But he said vehemently, “Even though I must die with you, I will not deny you.”
Peter, Peter, Peter. In this one chapter of Mark, we see Peter’s strength and weakness. Jesus tells Peter he’ll deny him. Peter responds strongly, even though I must die with you, I will not deny you. A little while later, Jesus asks Peter to stay awake while Jesus prays at Gethsemane. I can imagine Peter giving Jesus a thumbs-up. You betcha. Twice, Jesus returns to find Peter sleeping, after asking him to stay awake. A little later, Peter denies knowing Jesus three times, as predicted.
So what about Peter’s statement that he won’t deny Jesus, although he acknowledges he must die with Jesus? Is it hyperbole, bravado, or is he saying things he has no intention of doing? I don’t think so. I think Peter is deeply committed to Jesus, and would die with and for Jesus. In the end, it is believed he was martyred for his convictions.
If I’m anything like Peter, I think it has to do with the size of the commitment. Sometimes, I’m much better at keeping a big, hard commitment compared to the small ones. In my food world, I’m generally good at the ridiculous draconian diets. No carbs? Yes. No sugar? Yes. No eating except a 5 hour window? You betcha. Of course at some point, I fall off the very narrow path I’ve placed myself on. But I genuinely am better at holding these commitments than the more rational notion of moderation in all things. If I commit to simply eat heathier, or fewer empty calories, I find myself breaking down much sooner.
The same goes with moving my body, although that’s getting better. It has been easier for me to set up elaborate and extensive exercise plans, which I stick with for quite a while. Eventually I do not. I’m slowly getting better at moving more moderately, consistently, and forgivingly. I’ll go out for a walk when the mood strikes, or if I miss a morning at the gym, I catch it the next time. But to be clear, it’s taken me decades to get there.
I think Peter absolutely would have died for Jesus that night. But the small things? Falling asleep or just pretending not to know him? Those don’t matter so much. I’m not suggesting that this thinking is correct, but I think the same way; I understand it.
Of course, the little things aren’t really little. Committing to and following through with little things matter. With Peter, Jesus knew what Peter’s denial had done to Peter, how it ate at him and riddled him with guilt. Jesus was able to give Peter three chances to cosmically undo the three denials. Peter do you love me? Feed my sheep.
Jesus knows we struggle with the small commitments. Jesus saw his disciples struggle with the same things. Jesus will always ask us if we love him, and again and again, we’re given the chance to speak and show our love. This morning, I’m thinking about all of the opportunities Jesus asks me if I love him, to feed his sheep, as a way of undoing my small and big broken promises.
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