Nov 4 2020 The Practice of the Presence of God

We should not become weary of doing little things for the love of God. God regards not the greatness of the work, but the love with which the work is done. We should not be surprised if in the beginning we often fail in our endeavors. In the end, we will develop a habit which will naturally produce acts through us without effort, to our exceeding great delight.

Brother Lawrence was a brother in the Carmelite order in Paris, in the mid 1600’s. He was relegated to working in the kitchen, a role he did not like when he began. He practiced many spiritual disciplines, but eventually threw them all out. He claimed that to assume a practice created a sense of division, between his everyday life, and his spiritual life. It also created in him a sense of failure, assessing himself as a failure, when he couldn’t sustain a practice as other Carmelites, or when he didn’t sense God’s presence.

Instead, he decided to practice the presence of God in his every day world. While washing dishes, chopping and preparing meals. And with this practice, he increased his sense of God’s presence in the every day. Eventually others sought him out to learn from him.

I’ve always liked the idea of Brother Lawrence, but it was only on this little trip away that I read the book. This is how I want to be, how I try to be.

Sometimes I get swept up in a spiritual practice. Sometimes it feels like it does give me a better sense of God, or a learn something about God or my relationship with God. Sometimes, like Brother Lawrence, I feel like I am not doing it good enough. Or I act like a cad until I start my ‘practice’, as if there’s a switch that’s been flipped.

Some of my practices – morning prayer, writing and reflecting, are done in a way that imbue the rest of my day (or at least my morning) with reminders of who and whose I am. I can walk through the valley of the shadow of death, fearing no evil, as the psalmist says.

This morning, I’m thinking about all the little ways I can practice the presence of God.

Personal update – my loved one spent four days in the emergency room, because there were no appropriate beds open in Portland. They will stay in the hospital for five days and then be released, unless one of two things happens. The first option is that they agree to remain for treatment for two weeks. If they agree to this, they will likely stabilize enough that they would be released in two weeks. If they don’t agree to this, the other possibility is that an investigator will determine that they are a sufficient risk of harm to self or harm to others that a commitment hearing is scheduled. Commitment basically means that their care and decision making is assumed by the State, for a period of normally six months.

Yesterday, the investigator informed us that they were not likely to recommend a hearing, as our loved one did not meet, or just barely met the standards for commitment. The investigator also tried to obtain the voluntary 14 day extension, with a yes, no, maybe, no, yes, no response. Hopefully today, we’ll find out whether our loved one is scheduled to be released in two days, fourteen days, or whether we are required to appear before a judge for a contentious and heartbreaking hearing.

We’ve been to a similar hearing before, and we were asked to testify that our loved one could not take care of themselves, and were a danger to self. All the while, our loved one sat at the other end of the arbitration table, complaining bitterly about our treatment, lack of love, and lies about their competency.

In any case, our loved one does not currently want to speak to or see us. Once they are moved from the emergency room, it’s likely we will obtain no information about their care or release, unless we are asked to appear at a hearing. It is likely that our loved one will walk out of the hospital far from stable, with no housing, and no plans to return to our home.

I can do nothing about any of this. Except walk through my day practicing the presence of God. When I talk to the social workers, or try to talk to my loved one. When I get ready for morning prayer. When I go downstairs and get that first lovely cup of coffee from my hosts. When I check the news. God is present. Undoubtedly.