So our loved one remains in the hospital. They’ve finally gotten a bed in the inpatient unit, after too many days in the emergency room. They refuse to see us, and have called only to ask for particular things they think they’ll need because they’re planning on moving out upon their release – social security card, money, socks.
It turns out that the investigator does not believe our loved one meets the criteria for a commitment hearing – harm to self or harm to others. I’d love to rant about how the stolen hammer to kill their husband, or the bottle cocked to throw at the police might constitute harm. And I know there are lots and lots of other people who have actually harmed themselves, or harmed someone else, while my loved one hasn’t. It’s incredibly frustrating, as this is their 7th hospitalization this year, ranging from 3 days to two months. Each hospitalization started with either a police or mental health assessment that they should be held and treated. But it’s a long way from a 3 day hold, to an actual commitment.
Commitment means that a court has stripped away their civil liberties, and the state has assumed those inherent rights – freedom to come and go, freedom to take care as you see fit. It is a really big deal for someone to be committed. And while I’d love the assistance, perhaps I should be glad that my loved one isn’t as sick as those who are committed. And I’m tired.
So in mid-November our loved one will again be released from the hospital, and again – as of now – has no intent or interest in returning to our home. They have no intent – as of now – of allowing the hospital to share information about their treatment or release. Every preceding hospitalization has started the same, and every one has ended up with our loved one returning to our home; the alternatives are crap. But it’s always been a bit of a hustle, to figure out when they’re being released, and what the plan is supposed to be. We do get engaged when the social workers finally make a discharge plan when it involves us, but that seems to be late in the game.
This time, things are a little different. Mid-week, the investigator who suggested state commitment wouldn’t likely occur because standards weren’t met, contacted us to see if we’d considered or would reconsider guardianship. This is another serious stripping of someone’s civil liberties, but it is done because they are incapable of making sound decisions. We haven’t decided, but either way, the next few weeks will be rough.
Our loved one will still likely be released mid-November. If they change their mind and decide to return to our home, it’s only because there is no other better option, which will make for an unhappier return. If we do decide to pursue guardianship, they’ll be notified, be given an attorney, and we’ll have a court date, after a couple weeks of investigation. If our loved one doesn’t want to provide a release of information for the hospital, I’m quite certain they wouldn’t be pleased with this option.
As a parent, I absolutely understand we need to do what’s best for our kids. This kid has a significant, lifelong illness, with significant lifelong implications. I want their life to be happy, and I want all the things we all want for our kids. I don’t want to strip away liberties, but then again, I also don’t want them to be sick.
This week, we decide how we want to proceed. Regardless, we will also strive to salvage the relationship that is so splintered because of this illness.
Yesterday, they called and asked for all of their social security money to be deposited in their own bank account. As their representative payee, it’s my job to help manage the money so it’s available for basic needs, so no. I was not willing to simply deposit the money in their account. After a good amount of colorful language, we talked about coming to visit. They asked us not to come today or tomorrow, but maybe later in the week. All right, we said. Please let us know if you need anything. And know that we love you. I don’t need anything from you, was their reply. Silence. And then softer, I love you too.
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