2022 - What a Year!

We’ve had a spectacular year, our first full year in Homestead, PA – just outside of Pittsburgh.  We continued to make improvements to our home, a 1900 three story brick beauty, that served as a rental for 80 years and of that, some of the time it served as a brothel.  If these walls could talk!!  John and Carter have nearly completed work on the first floor where they live. All that remains is their bedroom which is currently under construction.  Jessie lives on the second floor, and her kitchen has been nearly completed. All that remains in her space is her bathroom, which unfortunately leaked water onto our newly renovated bathroom on the first floor.  Ugh.  Add that project to the queue. The good news is that our house came with a Mary Shrine that we've adorned with flowers, except when it's snowy.

The project house

Because we own so much repair and remodel equipment (over 188 purchases at Lowes alone), we decided to purchase a second under-loved-but-rock-solid house 7 blocks away. It was in really rough shape inside. Our plan is to restore it to its 1900 splendor and then rent it at below-market, so people who live in this community have somewhere to live affordably. 

Find the cat in the bean bed!

John has kept himself very busy with repairs to both homes, and being primary chauffer for Jessie. He also made an agreement with the property owner of a vacant lot across the street and he built an amazing garden with 10 beds, complete with beans, eggplant, corn, strawberries, blueberries, peppers, melon, tomatoes, raspberries and flowers. He’s enjoying some free time to catch up on news, and exercise, and enjoying strolls through the neighborhood.  Carter helped with the rehab, until she was hired as the part time executive director of the Association for Episcopal Deacons, a national professional and advocacy organization for deacon. Carter also filled her time by enrolling at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary, to get a Graduate Certificate in Urban Ministry. She hasn’t been assigned to
a local church yet, but continues to work with the Episcopal Diocese and expects to be assigned in 2023.  Her support of the housing projects has waned, but she’ll be back to wearing her Carhart overalls once her schooling is over in June.

Max, Carter, Jessie Mary, John & Lamar

Jessie is doing really well.  She’s been stable since August 2021, and she’s been a pleasure to have around. She has a friend, Lamar, who lives upstairs with her.  He’s very kind and supportive of her, and does much of the cooking and cleaning. He has friends in the community, which means she has friends in the community. Although sometimes they’re loud, it’s a joy to have her happy and engaged.

We were able to go on a few trips this year.  We went to Cleveland to visit childhood friends of Carter’s, and joined them for a weekend at one-room cabins in the woods. There might have been some rain, but it was a fun time anyway! We also were able to travel to West Palm Beach and join six others to celebrate a birthday, all expenses paid by the birthday-girl’s wife.  It was an amazing time away. It was a little touch-and-go, because we travelled the day a hurricane made land in Florida. It was a little bumpy to get in, but sunny skies the rest of the time. 

Our big travel this year was a driving adventure to Manhattan, where Max Hawley married Uwala Mary Nosa, at St. Peter's Episcopal Church. It was a lovely service, and we’re grateful to have Mary in our family.  

We're really enjoying the Pittsburgh area. As much as we enjoyed our 30 years in the Pacific Northwest, we are feeling at home back in the midwest.  And the area is so steeped in deep and complex history that I missed in the Northwest. Trinity Church, which eventually became the Diocesan Cathedral was originally built in 1805, decades before the State of Oregon existed. 

Suffice it to say, we're very happy with our move, our life and our location. We have a spare bedroom, and there are hotels within walking distance, so come on out!  We wish you a happy and healthy 2023.  

702 -The clean out begins in earnest

 

Whew!  What a week of cleaning things out. 

On Saturday, I participated in a community garage sale, with some stellar extroverted help from my bestie, Katherine.  True, we didn't sell everything.  And true, Katherine might have given some things away. And true, I think we had some pity purchases.  But we did sell some things.  More important to me, there were some folks who actively wanted the stuff that looked so junky to us.  

Whatever we didn't sell went strait from the street to the car, and ultimately to Goodwill. True, I could have taken it all to Goodwill to begin with, but there's something honoring about finding someone who actually wanted that mirror with the plastic molded rose frame.  That makes me a bit happier for the stuff in the house. And did I mention that everything we put out never came back into the house? That's definitely a win. 

Tuesday, we had work done on the trees. The mulberry on the right in the picture was removed, and the sycamore that had branches threatening to go into the house was limbed up and trimmed away from the house. All of that, plus another very messy mulberry was removed from the backyard. Our neighbors said that when the tree in the back is full of berries, it's also home to raccoons, groundhogs, and skunks. Without the berry feast, hopefully, we'll begin to have fewer visitors. 

Today, we got a 30 yard dumpster delivered, and we began to fill it up. The dumpster was originally delivered to the wrong address, so we got a late start.  But we got a bunch of stuff put in the dumpster. I suspect we'll have it filled by Sunday, and hopefully be able to get out all the bagged garbage, and junked furniture.  Then we start the fun part of demolition. 

First on the demo list is removing the filthy carpets and cheap paneling. That way we can see what conditions the floors and walls are in. I suspect neither are finish-ready, so we'll likely have to to some hefty rehabbing of the floors, and probably dry-wall.  My beloved is figuring out how to run plumbing and electrical, so once we open the walls, we'll figure out what additional wire/pipes need to go where, before we put on the drywall. 

The best part for me is that once we can remove the carpets, broken furniture and garbage, I can deep clean, and then it doesn't feel like I need to take a shower after every visit. Let the cleaning begin. 

This is the living room, with bags and bags to toss. 

  

This is what the kitchen looks like after John removed a
sagging upper cabinet crammed full of dishes

Here's the second bedroom on the second floor, 
complete with tons of bags and a huge, heavy 
couch.  

To get the couch down the stairs
and around the corners, we cut it apart, 
first taking off the legs, and then 
cutting it into three pieces.  So much
easier!

This is the dining room, without the table full of glassware.
Both the table and the glassware are GONE!

And here's a switch plate, attached to 
paneling - with no switches behind it. 
Hmm. 

Still slow and steady.

 Still... Slow and steady. 

We have continued to go over to 702 daily for the past week. Our work continues to be clearing out the vast amount of debris and life-stories from the previous owner.  In the meantime, we've hired a tree company to take some branches out of the huge sycamore to the left of the front door which are brushing up against the second floor. they'll also take out a male and female mulberry tree, which are huge, gangly, and invite all sorts of critters to feast on the plethora of berries.  Apparently, there's a family of groundhogs under the back porch.  They're mostly harmless, but large, and are eating the neighbor's garden plants.  We'll get rid of their food source from the mulberries, and then tromp around enough that they'll choose another residence.  

Last week, we took 10 contractor bags full of clothes to the Salvation Army, and next weekend there's a community garage sale, where we'll hopefully unload lots more. Thanks to a friend who suggested pricing things, "MAKE ME AN OFFER".  Thanks Michael!

There are a few things we'll price specifically, like a neat panoramic photo of the Steelers / Seahawks Super Bowl game from 2006, and a host of Steelers jerseys and hats.  Otherwise, MAKE ME AN OFFER!  And I have a dear (and oldest) friend coming to help me out with the sale. Apparently, I didn't sell it too well, telling her the house is full of junk, and I just want to get rid of stuff, but she's coming anyway.  Thanks, Katherine!

After the trees and the sellable items are gone, we'll order a dumpster to start getting rid of the probably 40 contractor bags full of junk in the house.  We're able to put out 10 bags a week in our garbage, which seems like a lot, but we're definitely putting 10 bags out each week, and even bringing some bags to our main house to get 10 out there too.  

Then the fun part starts.  We get to start demolishing!  We'll take off the tacky fake paneling, stained carpet, and crumbling plaster.  Below are some pics of the junky house, and then as it's slowly getting organized.  We'll take whatever doesn't sell to Goodwill next week.  

The refrigerator/freezer full of food, likely 
18 months old.  We empty it out on garbage day.
From the fridge right into a bag to the curb.

Dining room table with the beginning of organized 
goods.  Before the table, it was all over the kitchen.

Half of the glasses and mugs, ready to put out for the 
garage sale. 

A bin full of pots, skillets and pans.

Dozens of DVDs, ready to sell.

A bucket full of balls. 

Small appliances. I think they all work. 

Dinnerware on one of many tables, also ready to sell.

Lots of books, mostly romance novels. 

Pittsburgh hats all around. My favorite is the historical steelers hat, with the guy on the beam with the hardhat. One of these things is not like the other!

702 - Slow but steady

 

 

We live about 5 blocks from this new project, the house at 702 12th Ave, which makes it very convenient to schlep garbage...We're allowed 10 bags of trash per week, so if we don't have 10 bags at our main residence, we bring extras down from 702.  So far, we've gotten rid of twenty 42 gallon bags of trash, with another twenty bags going out on Sunday. Doing some math, that's about a 20 yard dumpster full. In two weeks.

Our community is having a community garage sale in two weeks, so my goal is to get rid enough junk that I can put things out on the sidewalk, PRICED TO SELL!  So far, we have found probably 60 glasses, 100 plates, a dozen Pittsburgh sports hats and jerseys, several sets of cookware and knives, drawers full of women's and men's clothing, and some furniture. I'm not at all sure how to get it all organized, arranged and priced. But getting rid of it is a huge motivator.

It's possible I'll end up with grab bags of clothes for cheap. Or perhaps like the Goodwill outlets, price things by the pound.

In addition to trash sorting, we've gotten some things accomplished. My husband cleaned out the kitchen -everything except the overflowing refrigerator and deep freezer. We'll do that the night before a trash day. Meanwhile, I swapped out the deadbolt for an electronic version that has both a key and electronic keypad. If we ever finish this, I mean WHEN we finish this, we can give a renter an electronic code and when they leave, delete that code without having to switch out locks. We've given ourself a code too, so that's one less key to cart around. Punch in our code, and the fancy deadbolt unlocks.

Today, I started in the main bedroom. It was a mess, and it was sad.  

Here's the mess part.

I suspect the owner fell in to hoarding - in the lower center of the photo is a hanging sweater container, with each container stuffed with plastic bags.

There's also a mini-fridge in the bedroom,  full of sodas - mostly unopened.

And here's a picture of what might become a sweet walk-in closet, or nursery. For now, it too was packed with food, empty plastic bags and plaster that had fallen from the ceiling. The dresser is full of clothes, some of which we can sell, some of which needs to be tossed.

I also found name badges and conference bags full of papers.

A purse, crammed with papers and bills from 2008, and a pocket full of pens

When you start seeing things that show someone's life, thing get real and things get sad. 

I found a grocery bag full of old trophies, dating back to 2002.  Some child did something worthy of trophies, and some parent saved them. We clean these things up as trash, but this was someone's proudest moment - both mother and child. I feel for the mother, for whom things got so out of hand that she walked away from this life. I wonder about the child, who's memories and mementos we abandoned. 

We found a high school 8x10 photo of a girl. I can imagine when the photos finally came back from the photographer, and everyone was smiling and happy to see them. 

According to the Mayo Clinic, Hoarding Disorder is frequently accompanied by a genuine belief that nothing's wrong, a symptom shared with schizophrenia. Anosognosia is an insidious symptom that creates the tendency for people with schizophrenia to refuse medication - since they're obviously not sick. For people with hoarding disorder, they genuinely don't see their hoarding as a problem, so why seek treatment in the first place?

Combine hoarding disorder with single parent with significant health issues with financial crisis with a 120 year old house, and you have 702. In addition to this project being a way to restore a beautiful old house, and a way to eventually provide affordable housing, this project is becoming a way to pray for the lost souls with any of these trials. As I lift up another discarded item,, I offer up a prayer for anyone suffering from any of these problems.

702 Update - And so it begins

702 E 12, Homestead

Earlier this week, we purchased this beauty of a home. It's a 3 story brick home, built in 1900.  Our plan is to resurrect this home to its former beauty, in a way of reinvesting in this community.  It's in pretty rough shape, and for more info on the house, here's the link to the listing on Zillow.

A History Lesson

The home is technically in the borough of Munhall, but has a Homestead address. There was a strike at the Carnegie Homestead Steel Mill, the largest in the nation at the time, and 11 people were killed because of the heavy-handed management response to bust the unions and disband the strike. The homes nearest the Mill were originally predominantly filled with immigrant steel workers, mostly Eastern European. At some point, the Eastern Europeans gave way to African American workers, and Homestead today has a population of 3,200, a median household income of $26,500 and is 63% African American, according to CensusReporter.org. 

Meanwhile, the steel company wanted a place where the superintendents could live, away from the muck and dust of the mill. And Munhall was born.  Carnegie Land Company owned the land where this home is situated, along with my current residence. The Land Company required that homes be built with a minimum construction value, and they detailed precisely which types of homes were allowed to be built. According to the Borough of Munhall webpage, "Visitors will note the area's homes' substantial construction, the large lot sizes, the tree-lined streets, and the small Park Square Commons Area. There is a marked difference in this neighborhood compared to the nearby Homestead, just a block away; where older, frame homes and small closer set lots predominate."  Contrasted to Homestead, Munhall has a population of 11,000, a median household income of $42,400, and is 84% caucasian, according to CensusReporter.org. 

There's a steep hill up from the river and former steel plants. Munhall's area goes up the hill, and over to the other side. While these houses are both technically in Munhall, I've been told by a few Munhall and Homestead residents we actually should consider it, "Lower Munhall", you know, closer to the mills, less wealthy, less white.  So If the Post Office says its Homestead, and Munhall wants to wash their hands of lower Munhall, I'm happy to claim Homestead. It's vastly more diverse than Munhall and looks much more like Homestead - ethnically and socio-economically.  But this are has Munhall housing - big, 3 story brick, beauties that need some TLC to resurrect.

How we got here

We were supposed to close on this house back in May. But apparently, there was a 'mortgage lien' on the property. One major bank had a lien on the house because the mortgage hadn't been paid. The had never foreclosed, so it sat in limbo for years. The former owner was living in the home, and clearly was overwhelmed with her illness, and she was a caretaker for a grown child with disabilities. The mortgage was in the name and social security number of a former husband who'd long since left the scene. The bank wouldn't give the title company any info on the lien without the permission of the owner, and no one could find the owner. At some point Big Bank A sold the lien to Big Bank B.  After several extensions, the liens were finally cleared and we closed on the house. I have nothing but sympathy for the previous owner; as a caretaker of an adult disabled child, I can't imagine doing that work if I was facing serious illness, and faced it all alone.  

Today's Work

Today, we went to the house at 702 E 12 to begin the process of cleaning out. We took down the broken, dingy plastic mini-blinds on the front door, to discover a full pane of beautiful beveled glass. And when I say 'beautiful', I mean it will be, eventually.

Then I tackled the pile of mail by the front door. It included unopened bills, and magazines from 2019. 

After about 2 hours, we'd collected from the house,

An unopened microwave and  unopened mini blinds to use
 at the house while we're rehabbing. 

A box of lightly worn Nike shoes and 
a dozen new-ish Pittsburgh sports hats 
to try to sell

A Steelers/Seahawks Super Bowl framed photo,
mirrors, sand weight belt, game cube, crystal bells, 
a Turtle Wax buffer, and stuffed animals to contribute to a community garage sale in late July

A pile of clothes to donate

And 10 construction sized garbage bags of trash. 

All of this came from the front hall and living room.  Tomorrow we'll return to tackle the dining room, which includes a broken up dining set, small kitchen appliances, and lots of unopened food. 

We'll bring another box of construction garbage bags,  a wireless speaker, and a new lock for the front door. 

Max and Mary's wedding sermon

Uwala-Mary and Max – Thank you for inviting us all to share with today with you. It is a deep honor to be here with you.

Presiding Bishop Michael Curry has been known to say that if what you’re doing, if what you’re saying, if what you’re believing isn’t about Love, it isn’t about God. Looking at the two of you, today is absolutely about God, because it is unquestionably about Love. 

The readings too are all about love. From Genesis, we hear that man leaves his mother and father and embraces his wife and becomes one. That is love In Ephesians, the prayer is that you, being rooted in love may have the power to know how deep and wide and long and high Christ’s love is. Max read that man has committed that he is taking the woman out of honest integrity, or in other translations, sincere love.

Uwala-Mary reminded us all that if we don’t have love, we don’t have anything. We can be generous, kind, prophetic, and even have faith to move mountains, but without love, it is nothing. Love.

The Gospel reading is packed full of love language. God loves Christ, Christ loves us, and we are commanded to love each other.

And the miracle of your marriage? It is a way we can all see what that illogical love looks like. Your marriage is a visible sign to everyone of God’s love in this world, so on behalf of everyone who is bolstered by your love, thank you.

You two are choosing to make a life-time commitment to each other, to create a new family – the Uwala-Mary and Max family. You’re busy, independent rational people, and getting married is a sign of a love that defies all of that. And yet here we are. We are here because you two are so rooted in and flooded by God’s love, that it’s spilling over. First to each other, and there’s so much, it’s filling us all too.

God’s love is unwarranted, unearned, illogical, unending. God is so big and incomprehensible it’s hard to understand God’s love. So God became human in Jesus, and through Jesus, we got a foretaste of what God’s love actually looks like. Jesus loved everyone, despite language and nation, despite religion or tradition. He was hospitable to strangers and “sinners”. Through Jesus, we were able to see what love looks like, to see what God looks like.

So what makes a good marriage? I’ll give you a hint. It’s the word of the day. Love. Uwala-Mary told us about some of the key attributes of love. I think they’re primarily describing God’s love, or since God is love, they are describing God. But if you model your relationship after that, you’re solid.

Love is patient, love is kind. God will wait for us as long as it takes to learn whatever it is we’re supposed to. God will not seek revenge. God will wait for us to return for the tenth or 100th time to God’s love. In your relationship, be patient and kind, like God’s love. Wait for the other one who’s late. Don’t assume bad intentions. Do the kind, surprising thing. Hold hands. Laugh often.

Love does not envy, does not boast, is not proud. Love is not self seeking, easily angered, and it does not keep score of who’s wrong. God is not jealous of how we spend our time, even when we spend it away from God. Do not be envious of each other, of each other’s skills or strengths, or friends. Be honest, and don’t get angry.

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. How awesome is it that we have a god who is all of that. And how awesome that love, your love, is that. Try never to go to bed angry. Always say I love you at least once a day, and assume the best of each other. Always. If you aim to do these things, to be these things, your relationship – rooted in God’s love, will be spectacular.

I can’t think of a better way to conclude than to repeat the lyrics of the first song from today. The Lord bless you and keep you. May God’s favor be upon you, and your family and your children and their children and their children.

Amen

[Mary's mother, from Sierra Leone calls Mary by her birth name, Uwala, hence the hyphenated first name]

Jun 8 2022 Day 365 Revelation 21:1–22:21

And when I heard and saw them, I fell down to worship at the feet of the angel who showed them to me; but he said to me, “You must not do that!



Once again, I am grateful for the accompanying reflection. Today’s is written by Eugene Peterson. He points out that the entire book of Revelation is frequently misused. He writes, “It is difficult to worship God instead of his messengers. And so people get interested in everything in this book except God, losing themselves in symbol hunting, intrigue with numbers, speculating with frenzied imaginations on times and sea-sons, despite Jesus’ severe stricture against it.” As he notes, we mistakenly treat the book of Revelation the way John treats the angels. John worships the angel, and the angel rebukes him, instead pointing him to God. Yes!

Perhaps that’s why I’ve struggled through Revelation. It’s so frequently used as a sign for end-times. Instead, it’s a fantastical image all pointing to the splendor and honor and kingly power. It talks about a heavenly city where there is no Temple, because Jesus is the temple. It speaks beautifully about a place where there is no sorrow. It talks about the kingdom of God. That I can appreciate. So although it wasn’t my favorite, perhaps I’ve warmed up a bit about Revelation; I like it’s true message.

And so ends our walk through the bible. This effort has included 552 pages and 168,480 words. I did miss one day of writing, although I did read the scripture that day. (That was for my conscience..)

I’m not sure what’s next.

I’ve had suggestions about starting the good book again. A dear friend noted that she always like seconds – whether it’s the second time through a book, or the second plate of food. Having read and written my way through, I do think I’d benefit from another go.

Perhaps we’ll tackle another book, although I’m not sure what could top the Bible.

I also have had a notion of writing a book, including reflections about the place where significant brain disorders like schizophrenia and spirituality intersect. But to do that would require less time committed to a daily reflection.

For any of you who’ve joined in this journey, Katherine, Denny, Betsy, Terri, John, Mary, Nancy, Hana, Neff, Chris, Carole, Linda, Robin, Geri, and everyone else who’s “liked” or commented on my ramblings, thank you. I’m always amazed when anyone else understands, let alone appreciates the weird working of my brain. Your support has kept me from quitting, even though the posts averaged only about 6 views per day for the year; support is support.

For now, I’m going to take bit of a writing break. I have a little travelling and celebrating to do, and when I’m back, we’ll figure out what’s next.

Again, thank you all.

Jun 7 2022 Day 364 Revelation 18:1–20:15

After slogging through Revelation, I still don’t have a great deal of appreciation for it. Yes, there are some beautiful phrases that are uttered, and repeated in my traditional liturgy. “Splendor and honor and kingly power, are yours by right o Lamb that was slain... with your blood you have redeemed for God, from every family, language, people and nation”. Or “O Ruler of the Universe, Lord God, great deeds that you have done, surpassing human understanding”.

These are come from two ‘canticles’ or songs that are repeated weekly in our daily morning and evening prayer practice, and they are rich and meaningful me. And when I read them in context I get uncomfortable. The first canticle is sung by 24 elders with seven flames in front of them, and beasts with eyes in front and in back of their heads. The second canticle, splendor and honor, is sung by those victorious over the beast, standing next to a sea of glass and fire. Immediately before this, an angel swings his sickle and put what he gathered in a winepress that then flowed with blood.

While it is true that my literal brain struggles with these images, my bigger objection to Revelation is that it’s clearly a book set in a particular time, using analogies and allegories that may or may not make sense now. In my tradition, we’ve elected to take these songs of praise and use them in worship. But other traditions take other parts and use them – sign of the beast, 666, end times, horsemen of the apocalypse. But I do not believe Revelation was written to tell an objective story, full of facts and accurate predictions.

Rather, I think this is John’s vision, maybe his ‘thin place’. A thin place is a Celtic notion of where we can see through to the holy, where it feels like you’re in the midst of the holy. I’ve been to cathedrals and ancient ruins that feel like think places, where it feels like I’m closer to heaven than other times. John in his vision, it seems is describing his sense of heaven. That is no more descriptive of heaven than my description of a particular cathedral.

One of the places where I have routinely felt like a thin place was working at a community breakfast. I worked there reliably for years and got to know the down-trodden who attended. Heaven was absolutely there. And yet, if I wrote a story about it, it would include my own description of hard to believe stories – the hard life stories of the heavenly homeless who showed so much grace and love in the midst of their addition and illness. It may have never felt like a holy, thin place to anyone else, but it did to me.

All of this is to say that have a healthy skepticism of anyone or any tradition that relies on visions from Revelation. Without reading about the beasts and the frogs and understanding the analogies about Babylon and whores, it’s taking things out of context and probably shouldn’t be. I still love the poetry in my tradition’s self-selected portions of Revelation, and the whole book makes me uncomfortable because of what we humans hang on to as ‘truth’.

Jun 6 2022 Day 363 Revelation 15:1–17:18

Lord, who will not fear and glorify your name?



Amidst the descriptions of seas of glass, beasts with seven heads and ten horns, and frogs coming out of the mouth of a dragon, is this phrase. I’m grateful, again, for the accompanying reflection or again, I would have missed it.

The reflection is written by Gerald May, and he writes about the dark night of the soul. This is a concept whereby people of faith stumble and doubt and feel great distance from God. He argues that the dark night of the soul isn’t a night or a season; it’s always with us. He even goes so far as to suggest that it isn’t a bad thing.

He likens it to a child’s acceptance of mystery and unknowing. As we grow up, we become less and less comfortable with mystery and not knowing things. The dark night of the soul is the scarier, but necessary companion to our growing in deep faith and letting go of our need for knowing. It’s our reclaiming of mystery because of a deep faith in God’s providence.

As children the whole world is a mystery and uncertainty. We need a foundation on which to grow and become the people we are made to be. As a result, we undergird our world with knowledge and certainty and principles. The house that sits on that foundation is the world. The reality of the uncertainty of the world remains, but we can proceed with more confidence because we are armed with our self-made truths that create the illusion of knowing. Our house is secure on the foundation of knowledge. Or at least we think so. 

Perhaps what May is suggesting is that the dark night of the soul is the slow disintegration of that self-made foundation. Every time, something we know as a truth is shaken, our foundation is shaken and we go through periods of doubt and questioning. With God’s grace, that void is filled with faith. It’s definitely an unsettling process. And as we grow in relationship with God, we slowly dismantle our false foundation of certitude.

We still live in a world of mystery and uncertainty, but we are living in a world made more secure by faith in God. How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord, is laid for your faith in his excellent word.

This morning, I’m thinking about how to recognize the false foundations I’ve built, and to embrace that unnerving process of swapping out knowledge for faith. Life is a beautiful mystery. I want to celebrate that mystery and uncertainty, and live by faith.

Jun 5 2022 Day 362 Revelation 12:1–14:20

Then I saw another angel flying in midheaven, with an eternal gospel to proclaim to those who live on the earth—to every nation and tribe and language and people.



John’s fantastical vision continues with talk of a woman giving birth, the sign of the beast, 144,000 virgins, and Michael slaying the dragon. Most of the imagery is of bad things, some which temporarily win, many of which are defeated. In the midst of all that chaos, John sees another angel with an eternal gospel to proclaim to those who live on the earth. Aah. Just reading that in the midst of all the other scenes was refreshing.

That feels to me like modern life. There’s lots of chaos, fantastical stories of guns in schools, police killing unarmed men, racial tensions, climate crisis, hunger – the list could go on for too long. I don’t understand it all, and like reading Revelation, am numbed by the narrative.

And then, in the midst of all of that, I am again reminded of the eternal gospel. Jesus was fully God and fully human, lived like I do or at least like I try to, and eventually returned to God with all of our humanness. Christ’s resurrection and ascension brought about a new way of living – a way without all of the tribulations of modern life.

As a Christian, I am called by the Gospel to Love God and Love my Neighbor. I’m called to a radical new kind of living that is not what the rest of the world values. It’s the Good News of Jesus that lets me carry on. Maybe I cannot single-handedly stop any of the trials in my world. With other people of faith, I have a better chance. And by myself – with the eternal good news – I can Love God and Love my Neighbor. Maybe that’s enough.

Jun 4 2022 Day 361 Revelation 8:6–11:19

So I took the little scroll from the hand of the angel and ate it; it was sweet as honey in my mouth, but when I had eaten it, my stomach was made bitter.



In the midst of the trumpets, the hairy locusts with breastplates of armor, and the people with fire coming out of their mouths is this sentence. It was only the accompanying reflection of Bernard of Clairvaux that made me notice, and read it as anything other than a man taking a little bit of tasty paper, eating it, and then getting a stomach ache.

Clairvaux writes about what happens when we look closely at ourselves and how we’ve lived. He suggests that sin – all of the things we do and say that we know are not of God – might momentarily taste or feel good. But soon we get a stomach ache, when considering what we’ve done.

This I understand, both figuratively and literally. That second piece of desert – tasted good and gave me a belly ache. The gossip or unkind words might feel good as they are initially said, but leave me feeling bad. With some things, I’ve learned – but they tend to be very literal stomach aches, so I know not to overload on certain foods.

But why is it so hard to remember the other things that we do that result in figurative stomach aches? There are things that I do that I know will result in me not feeling good, and yet I persist.

Clairvaux continues that when we examine ourselves, that’s when we acknowledge the unpleasant but lingering aftereffects of our bad behavior. That’s probably why we’re loathe to conduct these self-reflections; they uncover all sorts of things we’ve done or left undone that leave us feeling bad. But we must, if we have any hope of not doing the same bad things over and over. This morning, I’m thinking about how I might spend time in self-reflection to help me identify the things I shouldn’t have done in the first place. Hopefully someday I’ll learn to stop doing them in the first place.

Jun 3 2022 Day 361 2 Revelation 6:1–8:05

God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.


This is an example of taking something from Scripture entirely without context. It happens all the time, and it shouldn’t. Especially when the snippet is used to support a position that is not Love, is not of God. It’s always a danger to do this, because we do something called ‘proof texting’. We find little bits of Scripture to support our position. Maybe it’s ultimately a good proof, or truly supportive of our position. Frequently it is not. It’s a no-no in the world of theology or sermon writing; the risks for confirmation bias are too great.

But I patently do not understand the context of this sentence. The angels are around the throne with all living creatures, and a multitude of people from every language, tribe, people and nation, dressed in white robes, carrying palms. I’ve been schooled enough to know that the people are martyrs – palm branches being held by saints in icons is a symbol they were martyred. These multitudes come to the throne to worship God, and there’s a list of things God will do for them, including wiping away every tear. That’s the best I can do with context. Now on to using this bit to support my position.

This is a group of martyrs; they’ve given their lives for their faith. They were not spared hard times. Their hard times were far harder than mine, or any of us who are still living. They were killed. Having a faith in God does not indemnify us from harm. It does not mean we can skirt tragedy. What it does mean is that God is with us during that trial and tragedy. We are not alone.

Not only is God with us, but God will wipe away our tears. To be honest, I’d like to not live through the things that create the tears in the first place, but apparently, that’s not how this life works. But as a person of faith, I absolutely believe that I am comforted during the tragedy in this life, as well as in the next – God will wipe away my tears.

Some of my warmest memories are when I’m falling apart and I receive comfort. Crying over children’s troubles, or life circumstances, or health happens. And when I’m that distraught, comfort is so powerful. That’s what love looks like. Someone else is sharing my pain. It doesn’t make the trouble go away, but it lifts my burden immensely, even if it’s only a hug.

To be in the place where God will wipe away my tears – that sounds heavenly (pun intended).

This morning, I’m thinking about how to show that comfort to others in this life. It’s a sure sign of God’s love.

Jun 2 2022 Day 360 Revelation 3:1–5:14

Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to you and eat with you, and you with me.



It comes as no surprise to anyone who’s accompanied me on this walk through Scripture. I struggle through Revelation. All this talk of seas of glass, and sheep with seven horns. I see these things as described which is entirely unhelpful. And because the narrative is nearly inaccessible to me, I dismiss the narrator.

I’m grateful for the accompanying reflections in this study, as they provide me with a new way to think about the readings. This morning’s reflection asks when have I heard Jesus standing at the door knocking. When have I heard Jesus’ voice and opened the door. When has Jesus entered and eaten? When have I?

Because I have dismissed the narrator of these stories, I was struck that the reflection suggested it was Jesus. Granted, it’s Jesus through John’s unique view of the world. I shouldn’t be surprised. But there you go.

Jesus saying, I’m standing at the door knocking. Open it up, and I’ll join you. Wow. I get flashes of this notion in the oddest times. Sometimes it’s when I’m serving at church, and something strikes me new. Sometimes it’s a particularly poignant song. Sometimes it’s when I’m praying and writing. Frequently it’s when I’m out in the world with the broken.

But like my reading of Revelation, it’s too easy to dismiss the narrator of the scene. If I find something that isn’t consistent with my world view or my understanding, I can dismiss the scene. What a loss! Just like my previous dismissal of Revelation, I’ve probably dismissed Jesus’ knocking because I didn’t understand or didn’t like the scene.

I can think of situations in my home and in my community where Jesus was probably knocking for a long time, and I didn’t hear – or refused to hear – because I didn’t understand or didn’t agree with scenario. Whether it’s my loved one, or particularly snarly church members, or a complex street scene, there are plenty of times when I’ve obstinately not listened to the knocking. 

This morning, I’m thinking about how to remain open to the scenes and people around me, without disregarding some because I don’t understand or don’t appreciate. I’m thinking about how many times Jesus has been knocking and I ignored it. What a missed opportunity to share a meal with Jesus!

Jun 1 2022 Day 359 Revelation 1:1–2:29

Let anyone who has an ear listen to what the Spirit is saying to the churches.


In my tradition, when scripture is read in corporate worship, it is ended with a sentence and a response from the people. Historically, that phrase has been, “The word of the Lord”, and the response, “Thanks be to God”. A newer response is making its way into some services. “Listen to what the Spirit is saying to God’s people” – “Thanks be to God.” I’ve appreciated that alternate response because it is both new and makes people take note, and because it is more personally challenging. You, Carter, listen to what the spirit is saying. Yes, of course. Thanks be to God.

Just yesterday, I was pulling together a liturgy for a deacon event for this weekend, “The Life and Work of Deacons”. What’s the prayers, what psalms, what readings, and what responses after the readings. Both of the concluding sentences above were listed as options. But so was, “Listen to what the Spirit is saying to the churches” – “Thanks be to God”. I’ve never heard that sentence used, and until this morning, had no idea of its origins.

In this final book of Scripture, John is writing to seven churches. He greets the people, outlines their problems or failings, and concludes with “Let anyone who has an ear listen to what the Spirit is saying to the churches.” I think this has become my new favorite.

I like this closing because of my wrong-headed appreciation of the “Listen to what the Spirit is saying to God’s people”. Despite being personally shaken by the notion that the Spirit is speaking to me personally, when I’m in public worship, it’s not about me. To be clear, the Spirit is speaking to me personally. But when we are gathered, we are more than a bunch of individuals; we become THE CHURCH.

In addition to speaking to me personally, the Spirit speaks to the group of people with whom I’m gathered. The Spirit speaks to THE CHURCH with whom I’m gathered. The Spirit speaks to every group of gathered Christians – to every CHURCH - throughout the world and throughout time.

Christianity cannot be solely an individual thing. When it does, everyone’s personal Lord and Savior is at risk of becoming a mirror of themselves, and in conflict with everyone else’s personal Lord and Savior. We are better Christians when we are required to struggle with the vast differences between us. Christ cannot be everything I personally believe, because then Christ cannot be everything you personally believe.

As a motley, un-unanimous group of people who make up THE CHURCH, we believe in and are saved by a Lord and Savior much bigger than any one of us. And as motley, un-unanimous CHURCHES, we believe in and are saved by a Lord and Savior much bigger than any one of our CHURCHES.

In this letter, John is reminding these disparate CHURCHES, or groups of disparate people, that the Spirit is speaking to us all, in all our disparate-ness.

Listen to what the Spirit is saying to God’s Churches. Thanks be to God.