Dec 23 2019 John 21:18-19

When you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will fasten a belt around you and take you where you do not wish to go.

This is an interesting section for reflection. Jesus is telling Peter that when he was younger, he had a lot of agency over his life, choosing when and where to go. But when he gets older, someone else will make the choices, and take him where he does not want to go. After this, Jesus simply concludes by telling Peter, Follow Me.

This exchange between Peter and Jesus happens after Jesus has died and risen. He asks Peter three times, ‘Do you love me?’, and three times Peter responds that of course he loves Jesus. Then feed my sheep. Three times Peter is asked and Peter recommits his love of Jesus. This is to poetically counter the three times Peter denied Jesus, before his death. Although to Jesus, love is love, and there is no scorecard, he has effectively negated the three denials by Peter in Peter’s mind, by asking him to recommit three times. After that has been settled, he continues with this bit about when Peter is old, he’ll have less autonomy, and reminds Peter, ‘follow me’.

My parents retired to a small rural town after decades in suburban Chicago. The grocery store in town, if you could call it that, had about 6 aisles, maybe 20’ long. Walking the entire store took maybe 10 minutes. Compare that with the giant stores in our home town, and the little country grocery store was comical in what it did not have.

But, it was absolutely sufficient. Stopping at the store was no big deal, took no time, and I didn’t feel fatigued by the adventure. For the 6 months I lived there, I came to appreciate the smallness of their store.

Choice, or agency is sometimes overrated. When there are five choices for white bread, it takes longer to decide. At their store, there was one kind of white bread, and it was absolutely fine, for white bread. There was a butcher counter, instead of a row of prepackaged meat. I got what the butcher commended, effectively turning over the choice to him. Sometimes my best-laid dinner plans were thwarted by a lack of exotic ingredients, but the resulting dinner which became a function of what was available, was no less yummy.

All of this is to say that having choice is overrated. Sometimes the easiest and best thing is to turn over my options and let someone else choose.

This morning’s reflection is about turning over authority to God. In particular, allowing the mission team leaders to call the shots while on the trip. We are asked again and again to follow God, in all sorts of ways.  

This morning, I’m thinking about how, like Peter, there is a tradeoff between my personal agency or autonomy and my willingness to follow God. I’m not sure why it comes as a surprise; daily I pray, “thy will be done”. Not my will. As I turn over my life and my choices to God’s will, I have fewer choices left to my sole discretion. And my experience at small grocery stores, after the initial bristling about restricted choice, I’m grateful that some of those choices were eliminated.

I have heard that former President Obama had a closet full of grey suits. He omitted that choice from his daily world, believing he needed to save his brain power for choices that matter. It really is a thing, decision fatigue. Today, I’m grateful for the opportunity to turn over increasingly more choices to God, to avoid my own decision fatigue. Thy will be done on Earth, not my will be done.