Oct 31 2021 Day 217 Ezekiel 33:1–37:28

They come to you as people come, and they sit before you as my people, and they hear your words, but they will not obey them. For flattery is on their lips, but their heart is set on their gain. To them you are like a singer of love songs, one who has a beautiful voice and plays well on an instrument; they hear what you say, but they will not do it.



Here's a bit from Ezekiel I just glossed over from today’s section. Part of the reason is that this section included both the bit about giving Israel a new heart, and the part about dry bones; lots to mull over. But the accompanying reflection skipped those two parts and focused on this section.

People come and hear words but don’t obey. People hear words, but to them the words are entertainment – like a singer of love songs. The words are something that wash over them, rather than seeping into them. How unfortunate for the Ezekiel in this section. He’s busy prophesying and the people don’t do what God’s telling him to tell them to do.

But here’s the catch. This is an experience that’s repeated throughout the ages and throughout the world. People come to worship God in churches, synagogues, or mosques and we appreciate the beautiful voice or instrument, the stirring message, the heartfelt prayers. We too see it like a love song, that washes over us, but doesn’t seep in. We don’t do what we’re God calls us to do. We value church services by the entertainment factor, or the music, or the convenience of the services. We bring our friends if we’re adequately impressed. Ouch.

Even more of a problem is this is not solely a problem with the attendees of worship. It’s perhaps even more so a problem with the planners or leaders of worship. We too evaluate our efficacy by the entertainment. If people liked our service, our message, our music, they’ll bring friends. If they bring friends, clearly it was a success, right?

But if we do that, aren’t we focusing on the impact of the soulful love song and lovely voices? Are we evaluating our ‘success’ on whether God’s word was heard and heeded? Can we even know how God acted on the worshippers?

The reflection by Dallas Willard posits that we must lovingly let people think what they will. If our focus is on God’s kingdom, our measure of success cannot be human approval, or we are simply playing into the core problem of the worshippers appreciating, but not acting. He writes, “we can only serve [the people] by serving the Lord only”.

This morning, I’m thinking about the tension between the real implications of ASA (average Sunday attendance) and just serving God. I want to care about the latter, and assume it will take care of the former.

Oct 30 2021 Day 216 Ezekiel 27:1–32:32

You corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor.


Ezekiel continues prophesying against all of the nations – Egypt, Lebanon, Assyria, Babylon, Sidon, Tyre. The list goes on. After the proclamation against each of these places, God told Ezekiel to express a lament or dirge for each. And finally, after years of being downtrodden, the nations were restored, although rarely to their prior glory. This was a section of scripture where I repeatedly referenced maps, to see just where Sidon is now (a port city in Lebanon).

As each pronouncement is made, along with it Ezekiel is given the reason for the leveling of the area. For example, Lebanon had grown too tall and majestic, and it was toppled, and the analogy was made that it is like the cedars of Lebanon. The prophecy said that the cedar trees got to be so tall that they end up crowding out others and eventually too tall to be stable, and so was Lebanon.

Tyre proved to be wise in its business acumen, and because Tyre provided access to the sea, it was able to trade great riches for that access. Some of the things Tyre acquired by trading access to the sea or the goods themselves include: silver, iron lead, tin, horses, war horses, ivory tusks, ebony, turquoise, fine linen, coral, millet, honey, oil, wine, wool, cinnamon, sugar, lambs, goats, spices, carpets. Add all of these things to a middle eastern city and I’m left with a rich and intriguing image, full of splendor.

But, as the prophecy continued, Tyre traded wisdom for that splendor. Once it started down the path of acquiring these things, it just continued to acquire more and more. Sound familiar?

This is the problem with stuff. We ascribe value to the things we have, and eventually trade bits of our souls for the values we erroneously encumber the stuff with. For example, in the case of Tyre, the stuff it had became something to be desired because it was splendorous. But really, coral is just a dead sea-dwelling invertebrate.

We do the same thing. When we acquire things, we think they are worth something, more than what they are. Fine sheets are comfortable, but they also signal that we have taste. Art is pretty to look at, but it also signals we have taste and resources to buy things. It seems like it’s human nature, that our desires always outstrip our reality. This is true whether we’re dirt poor, or the most wealthy of society. We want more. Not because the stuff is inherently valuable, but rather because we’ve ascribed value the stuff doesn’t have.

In the case of Tyre, they traded wisdom. In my case, I sometimes trade self-care. Instead of an afternoon relishing a beautiful fall day, I toil on some project. Yes, I get satisfaction from the project, but it also signals that I’m industrious, resourceful, and capable. When my kids were little, I traded quality time with them for another hour in the office. We make trades all the time, and I’d offer that many times, we’re trading a real thing for a imagined value we’ve placed on a thing. This morning, I’m thinking about the choices I make, the trades I’m intentionally or unintentionally making, and the obscured values I’ve placed on the things I desire.

Oct 29 2021 Ezekiel 22:1–26:21

The people of the land have practiced extortion and committed robbery; they have oppressed the poor and needy, and have extorted from the alien without redress. And I sought for anyone among them who would repair the wall and stand in the breach before me on behalf of the land, so that I would not destroy it; but I found no one.



We continue with God’s pronouncement against, well, everyone it seems. The people of Ammon, Tyre, Samaria, Jerusalem, Edom, Moab, Philistia, Tyre… The people have oppressed the poor and needy and extorted the needy – all bad things indeed. God continues that he’s seeing someone to repair the damage, and stand in the breach, and he found no one.

This morning, I’m thinking about what it means to stand in the breach. In this imagery, God sees that the wayward people have destroyed the wall between themselves and God. God’s prepared to destroy the land because of the evil, and God recognizes a breach has been created by the people intended to be protected by the wall. This is powerful imagery.

We protect ourselves in our towers, souls, walled cities, gated communities. Then we ourselves behave in ways that create breaches or holes in that same protective place. We are then surprised when the protection is toppled. It turns out, we cannot wall ourselves off to God or to our neighbor, at least not effectively or permanently. God is obviously on both sides of the wall, knows our innermost selves. Such barriers are equally impotent to guard ourselves from our neighbors. Maybe for a while, the walls hold. At least until someone from the inside creates a breach, or when someone beyond the walls becomes stronger than our attempts to erect the walls.

Whatever the cause, the walls we build – internal or external – end up vulnerable, with holes where the ‘other’ can enter. Here is the important role of the breach-stander. I imagine this as someone willing to go right into that hole that was created, either by us or by outside forces, and just stand there. There is some repair work to be done to be sure, but it is repaired while standing in the breach.

My current world doesn’t contain many walled cities or fortified castles. But there are plenty of breaches between us and God, breaches we’ve created. Humanity has treated people deemed ‘the other’ in a way that does not reflect God’s love – immigrant, refugee, orphans, people of color, people of other cultures and classes, other religions. There is a breach between those who’ve behaved badly, and their God creator. Breach standers put themselves right in that place where the badly behaved have created chasms between themselves and God, and breach-standers try to repair that breach.

In the current climate, this is an interesting role. This isn’t so much about righting the wrongs against the aggrieved. That clearly needs to be done. But I understand this notion to be more about standing in front of the oppressor, and standing between them and the God who’s displeased about that behavior. Clearly, the oppressed warrant care and love and restoration to wholeness. But from this section in Ezekiel, I understand that someone from the oppressor’s side of the wall needs to be wiling to stand in the chasm created.

As people of privilege, we are called to that hard work. We are called to see where our people’s behavior, attitudes, historical complicity have created or opened up wider the breachers between us and God. Yes, we’re called to repair it, but first we’re called to stand there. Just stand there in the hole, acknowledging its existence and the role we played.

It’s so much easier to instead go about helping the widow, the orphan, the poor, rather than acknowledging that our community created the breach to begin with. Doing is easier for me, than to acknowledging my role in the breach to begin with. Today, I want to spot the breaches I’ve helped create, or perpetuate. Today, I want to be a breach-stander.

Oct 21 Day 214 Ezekiel 17:1–21:32



Know that all lives are mine



In this section of Ezekiel, God appears to be saving then destroying then saving Israel, all depending on Israel’s sin. One thing I find interesting is that God clarifies that the sin of the child doesn’t affect the parent, and the sin of the parent doesn’t affect the child; each shall be judged on their own behavior. Not only that, but God specifies that if someone repents, regardless of past sin, they shall be redeemed, and if a good and faithful person sins, they shall be condemned, regardless of their past. These are both traits that I thought were novel, with Jesus’ proclamation, but it’s much older than Jesus’ words. As God says in Ezekiel, Turn then, and live. Simple, powerful and redemptive, regardless of what we’ve done in the past. Turn then, and live.

This morning’s commentary focuses on the God’s possession or authority over all lives. God has expectations about how we are to live, what we are to believe, and how we are to act. The commentary asks what we think about divine expectations. Humanity, in general bristles at the idea that there are expectations about anything, or at least Americans. We’re so ruggedly self-determining. “You’re not the boss of me” could be the tag line for modern day America.

So what do I think about divine expectations? If I were try to follow the complicated Levitical law, or what the Pharisees prescribed, or even the 10 commandments, it would be hard. I don’t keep the Sabbath very well, and sometimes I do covet. I have managed not to murder.

But if I were to think about the way Jesus summed up the law and God’s expectations, I find I am better able and more willing to try. Love God, Love your Neighbor. Love God sums up the first of the 10 commandments, and Love your Neighbor sums up the latter commandments, but put so succinctly, I can understand and I can strive to do these two. To be clear, they’re simple, but not easy.

I actually don’t have any problem with God’s expectations of me, as clarified by Jesus. Part of the beauty of these simple but not easy rules is that they can apply to anyone of faith, regardless of the flavor. In the Christian realm, Evangelicals and Roman Catholics should be able to agree that we should all Love God and Love our Neighbor. Muslims, Jews and any other people of faith should be able to agree that we should all Love God and Love our Neighbor.

And even beyond people of faith, every human being regardless of whether they have any type of religion or faith at all should be able to ascribe to the second part – Love your Neighbor. Atheists and secular humanists and people who’ve never thought about either of those things have a sense that we should love our neighbor. That’s the premise of the book by Archbishop Desmond Tutu and his daughter, the Rev. Mpho Tutu, Made for Goodness. If we were not made for goodness, our news stories would be full of the rare instances when goodness prevailed. But rather, we are always so shocked and surprised when evil or hatred or corruption prevails, that it’s what makes the news. It makes the news because it rocks us to our core, a core that is Made for Goodness.

I would definitely struggle with following a laundry list of divine expectations, regardless of whether it was a list made by Roman Catholics, Amish, Orthodox Jews, Muslims or anyone else. But relying on Jesus’ list, I can remember those two, and every day, keep trying

Oct Day 213 Ezekiel 12:1–16:63

This was the guilt of your sister Sodom: she and her daughters had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy.



Today’s pearl from Ezekiel relates to Sodom, of Sodom and Gomorrah fame. Mention Sodom and Gomorrah, and everyone assumes it’s all about the sin that spawned the word sodomy, in that atrocious story in Genesis. But in Ezekiel, God explains what Sodom’s sin really was, and it’s much more applicable to all of our lives than that pillar of salt story.

Sodom’s guilt was that she had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease AND did not aid the poor and needy. That’s much more condemning and a much wider net than the sin of handing over your virgin daughter to the ravenous crowd. I can promise I will never do that, but when God clarifies that the problem with Sodom is that other stuff – pride, excess, ease – that causes me more concern.

Not only are these traits not necessarily seen as sinful, our society strives to have and be these things. To do things that people can be proud of, to have an abundance of food, and to have a life or at least moments of ease. Watch network TV for any amount of time, and the commercials all seem to sell precisely these things.

I’ve seen plenty of arguments or defenses that say wealth or abundance are not the problem, as long as we are concurrently aiding others. But reading this pithy sentence, I’m not sure that’s true. If we in fact have an abundance of food, we have enough to aid more. If we have done things for which we feel personal pride, we have the capacity or time to spend that time doing things to help others, regardless of whether we get an iota of personal pride out of it. And if we have enough prosperity to have any ease, whether that’s a vacation, vacation property, or an overall life of ease, we have enough property to aid more.

It’s as if these things – ease, prosperity, pride, excess, can’t coexist with a life that’s blameless, because all of those things indicate that we’ve kept more than we needed, and at the same time withheld what someone else needed.

You can see examples of these kinds of people in the world, and we hold them out as unattainable models. Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Dalai Lama, Dorothy Day. I’m sure there are hundreds of others. But if I inventory the people I actually know, I know of one, maybe two people who actually live like this.

I have a friend who has literally given someone the shoes she was wearing, because she had another pair at home, and the other person had none. She’s lived in a tent, because she didn’t have enough money. She operates a food program, cooking and growing food tirelessly, and that’s the source of her food too. This morning, I’m thinking about my excess, abundance and pride, and thinking about how I might convert that into aiding the poor and needy. Maybe I can’t become Mother Theresa, but that doesn’t mean I’m absolved from trying.

Oct 25 2021 Day 212 Ezekiel 6:1–11:25 

Then the glory of the LORD went out from the threshold of the house and stopped above the cherubim.



This section of Ezekiel is full of more death and vengeance from a God perceived as wrathful. The commentary asks about whether we’ve thought about a God who can disappear or become more distant, just like the God who left the house in front of Ezekiel. Hmm. I’m not sure about that.

Maybe it’s my sunny optimism, or staunch belief in the words that Jesus said that he’d leave the Spirit to be our constant advocate, but I don’t believe God ever leaves us. That is not to say that I don’t think we sense God’s absence, or that God’s not listening. But I think that has more to do with our perception rather than the reality.

The hard part about all of this is that if God is the source of my faith, and I feel wobbly, and God is present, couldn’t God help me feel more grounded? I suppose that yes, God could always make me feel God’s imminent presence. If that’s the case, and still sometimes we feel distanced, why would that be?

Maybe there’s something to learn, or some growth to take place during those dry spells. During those dry spells though, it might me most difficult to think about God or getting closer to God, when it’s a distinct distance from that sense of God that put is in the dry space to begin with. At times like these, I’m grateful I’m compliant and rather unquestioning about hierarchy and rules. If Jesus says the Spirit is always with me, then it’s true. It’s true, whether I sense it or not. It’s that stubborn belief in what I’m told that has in the past, and hopefully will in the future carry me through my dry spots. This morning, I’m thinking about a God who’s always present, but sometimes I don’t sense it, and thinking about what I can do to weather those dry spells.

Oct 24 2021 Day 211 Ezekiel 1-5

Thus says the Lord GOD: This is Jerusalem; I have set her in the center of the nations, with countries all around her.



I think I will need some additional support or resources to make it through Ezekiel, if the first few chapters are any indication. Wheels of fire, four-headed beasts, being tied down on one side for a year, being forced to eat a scroll. Where Ezekiel relays the prophecies, things are a little strange. What God does to Ezekiel are strange.

Some weeks ago, we read about pots talking, and I noted that I struggled with that notion. I’m so literal that I struggle with imagery and poetic language. I’m not sure I see things the same way as others, although I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m on the spectrum, as it has been suggested by loving, but confused friends. Just really concrete.

So, if anyone reading has suggestions about supplemental information about Ezekiel that might help this left-brained writer make her way through the book, let me know..

Meanwhile, I’m determined to make my way through the book, and I’m thankful for the other commentaries that are provided, as they’ll provide me something else to grasp.

This morning’s commentary focuses on the opening phrase of this passage, Thus says the Lord”. Ezekiel does all sorts of wacky things, and prophecies wackier things, because Thus says the Lord. The question for us is have we experienced that sense of God speaking to us? Do we act as if we’re doing God’s will? Do we feel like we’re being asked to eat a scroll, and if so, do we comply?

I don’t frequently have a clear sense of God speaking to me. Rather, I have a frequent sense that I’m in the zone; I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. It’s like my life rings true. And then sometimes, it doesn’t. When things don’t feel right, that’s when I need to stop and listen. Again, it’s not like God speaks directly to me, but eventually things right themselves. Or at least that’s what I hope.

The challenge becomes when things feel like they’re not in the zone, and I cannot do anything to fix it. Nothing I do changes the unhappy circumstances in which I find myself. At times like that, I get increasingly worked up, trying to change things to no avail. Eventually, I come to the realization that I’m meant to be there, despite my wishes to the contrary. At one time in my life it was a job situation I didn’t love, and at several times in my life, it’s been woes about my kids.

For me, I very rarely get the sense that “Thus says the Lord”. Rather, I have or eventually come to a sense that “Thus desires the Lord”. Even with that sense of God’s desire, I’ve never felt like God desires me to do something entirely wacky, like eat a scroll, or be tied down on one side while I sleep for a year. In my world, when I understand God’s desire is something wacky, it’s most frequently something I’d like to do, or have contemplated doing. I had a priest friend once who described these as my ‘enthusiasms’. I have wacky ideas, and throw them out to see if anyone else is interested. And when one of my enthusiasms is floated out into the world, those that fall flat with no support, I chalk up to an over-active mind on my part. But those enthusiasms that resonate with others and seem to take off, those I believe to be of God. Some of my enthusiasms include organizing a faith community to wash feet at homeless service event (of God), become a long term missionary (not of God), adopt a kid (of God), organize Lenten vegetarian cooking events for parishioners (of God), work on bishop’s staff until I retire (not of God), buy and operate a food truck as money-maker so proceeds can be used to feed the hungry (jury is out).

The Lord doesn’t say things to me, directly. But by paying attention to what resonates within me, and within the circles of people I know, I can understand what God’s desiring of me.

This morning, I’m thinking about what’s God desiring of me today, and how I might be sure I don’t miss it.

Oct 23 2021 Day 210 Lamentations 3-5

The kings of the earth did not believe, nor did any of the inhabitants of the world, that foe or enemy could enter the gates of Jerusalem.



What a whirlwind of emotions these last three chapters of Lamentations is. It begins with the writing bemoaning that God has abandoned the people, made them grind their teeth on gravel, shot arrows in their vitals, and made them sit in darkness. After these complaints, the author continues that God is a god of mercy and steadfast love, a love that is new every morning. The accompanying reflection is from Dietrich Bonhoeffer and reflects on the fact that since humanity has created artificial light and heat, we don’t have the same reverence for the morning, that brings with it light and heat – every day, just like God’s love.

It’s a sign of great faith that the author can talk about how merciful God is, after the deep complaints. It’s also a sign of a strong relationship, one that can withstand the complaints while still acknowledging the goodness in the other.

Another theme that appears in this section is that the people had such certitude that Jerusalem was impenetrable; they never thought an enemy could enter the gates. They’d built themselves a walled city that contained the people and all things holy, and rested in the knowledge that they were safe, they were chosen, they were ever-lasting. And then, they weren’t. They weren’t safe. Their chosen-ness didn’t indemnify them, and their reign from Jerusalem was perhaps not ever-lasting.

As I sit in my new community outside Pittsburgh, I’m struck by similarities I see between the people of Jerusalem, and modern-day people of faith. I don’t have a lot of experience beyond main-line Christianity, but I suspect there’s some relevance in other communities of faith too.

From my porch, I can see four beautiful stone churches that all have fallen into various states of disrepair. They were built at a time when steel mills were vibrant, jobs were many, and the community was thriving. The people who built and worshipped in these beautiful churches must have had a sense that they were equally chosen or ever-lasting. Now, the steel mills are gone along with the jobs, and the communities are struggling. The churches are abandoned or very sparsely attended.

It seems like this is a microcosm of mainline Christianity. There was a time when it was the in vogue thing to do - to be known as a member of a specific church, to be seen attending, and participating. It seems like there was a sense that this was a permanent state. But everyone who’s ever played King of the Mountain knows that your time on the mountain top is fleeting. You will be toppled.

I’m not suggesting that mainline Christianity has committed any sort of heinous sin that warrants God’s punishment or toppling our exalted position. But maybe it’s time for us to think about where we stand today, from a position that clearly isn’t king of the mountain. We’re perhaps in a position more like the early church, that didn’t have the benefit of cultural support, that wasn’t king of the mountain. Jesus was and remains king of the mountain, not our buildings or our denominations. Given the world as it is now, how can we use our buildings and our social capital to further Jesus’ reign? Maybe we need to focus on the real King, rather than the castles we built, thinking that the King lived in those castles. Maybe our prayer should be the same as the conclusion of Lamentations. “Restore us to yourself, O LORD , that we may be restored.”

Oct 21 2021 Day 209 Lamentations 1-2

My eyes are spent with weeping; my stomach churns

Today, we start reading Lamentations. Although it is, well, lamentable, I’m finding it resonates more than Jeremiah. I struggled with all of the descriptions of the wrathful and vengeful God. But the notion of lamenting? I can absolutely get behind that.

In my life, I can think of three big laments that left me feeling like my eyes were spent with weeping and my stomach churning. And I honored those times with being sad, and trying to grieve what was being lost. The first of these was when my son was in the final spin-out stages of dropping out of high school during his sophomore year. It was very tumultuous, and he didn’t necessarily know why things were so bad. I remember literally shaking my fist at God, crying, and lamenting the loss of the dreams of my only-born child. Little did I know that this was the first step of an amazing journey that took him all sorts of places. He’s engaged to be married, some time after takes the bar exam.

My second big lament was when my loved one was in the initial phases of a significant brain disorder. Again, my eyes were spent, saddened by the loss of their dreams. That story is still unfolding, but it’s not quite so lamentable now. My latest lament was finding myself unexpectedly unemployed and without my meaningful volunteer ministry, all in the period of 3 weeks. That story is also unfolding, and not so lamentable now.

This morning, I’m thinking about all the things in my world that warrant a little lamenting, and I don’t. We are a culture that tries to be ‘fine’, when asked. But really, not everything is fine. We’re living through a pandemic that’s deadly, divisive, and persistent. We’ve talked about wanting to have a massive gathering when we can finally have a massive gathering, to celebrate all of the community life-events we’ve missed – major holidays, weddings, births. And while I know celebration is important, I also think we need to get together to honestly lament what we’ve missed. Let’s plan a big gathering to lament, to wail and to gnash our teeth. We need to grieve.

And in all of our lives, there are lots of little lamentable things that I suspect we gloss over. I’m not talking about losing out on the prime parking space, but honest grievances that we don’t grieve. I’m exceptionally good at not seeing those small losses, so I can’t even think of a good example in my world. But I’m very clear that they’re there, and I should lament them. Today, I’m going to be on the lookout for all the things that aren’t really ‘fine’, and give them the honor they’re due.

DAY 208 Jeremiah 50:1–52:34

My people have been lost sheep; their shepherds have led them astray, turning them away on the mountains; from mountain to hill they have gone, they have forgotten their fold. (Jeremiah

Now, after days of reading about the decimation of lots of communities by the Babylonians and Chaldeans, and God’s request that the people do as their captor Babylonians request, now we read about the decimation of the Babylonians. I can’t follow who’s the good guy or the bad guy. I’m sure there’s a great narrative about all of the smashing God does, but that’s not what interests me today. Partly because I don’t understand it. I’ll leave that for the scholars.

This morning, I’m thinking about being led astray, and forgetting my fold. The reflective question for this section asks when I’ve been led astray, and what factors caused my straying. My biggest temptations tend to be the shadow sides of my greatest strengths, and I suspect this is true for many of us.

Using any of those personality or typing assessments, I am decisive and just. I strive to right the wrongs in the world, and am very self-giving. These sound like positive traits, but they all have a shadow side that, when unchecked, definitely lead me astray. The most insidious aspect of this is that because these start out as positive traits, I think I’m doing the right thing, up until I find myself in a strange field, no where near the rest of my flock.

Decisiveness can easily become judgmental. I see something, I decide a course of action, and I take it. Sometimes that’s in consultation with others around me, and frequently it is not. And sometimes this is a good thing, when indecision rules and yet people know something must be done. This trait also means I can appear dictatorial, and forget about consensus.

Being just is a good thing, except when it comes at the expense of mercy. In my home world, I’m much more likely to fall on the side of making just parenting decisions, while my beloved husband is always better at the merciful decisions. If I’m not careful, I find myself leaving no room for mercy. Thank God for the strengths of my husband, to help me recognize the shadow side of justice. Honestly, we definitely parent better together, because of each of our strengths and shadows.

I want to fix the wrongs of the world. That’s a good thing, until it means I’m correcting how people do things that honestly don’t matter. An absurd but illustrative example is which way the toilet paper roll should be. Clearly, there’s a right way, and my desire to correct the world’s wrongs means that I will correct other people’s ways, even with toilet paper. I haven’t done that one in a while, luckily. But I do find it difficult to tell the difference between the world’s wrongs, and simple preferences. It’s not just that I have an opinion about a way to do things, it’s that I genuinely feel I’m correcting a bigger wrong in the world. I could recite the way things should be for so long, and so obliviously that I find that the flock has moved on, and I’m by myself, talking about what’s right. Thankfully, I have family and friends who are willing to come find me back into the fold.

Finally, I want to help people, but that sometimes comes at the cost of being enabling, or overly self-giving.

For me, I’m not likely to be led astray by anyone else. I can do that all by myself. All of my strengths are precisely the things that can lead me astray. That’s good news, because with a little bit of self-reflection I can name some of my strengths. If I think hard enough about those strengths, I can spot the shadows. Those are the things that lead me astray. Again, I would suspect that this is the case for most of us. So what is it for you?

Day 207 Jeremiah 46:1–49:39

This section of Jeremiah is full of God’s wrath, retribution, vengeance, and power. And I didn’t like it. Not one little bit. God is going to show judgment on Egypt, the Philistines, Moab, the Amonites, Kedar, Hazor, Elam. 

 And by judgment, I mean anger and decimation. Here are some of the things God reported to Jerimiah that God would do.

• I will make [Moab] drunk, because he magnified himself against the LORD; and make him wallow in his vomit
• I have stripped Esau bare, and will make you least among the nations, despised by humankind. 
• I will kindle a fire at the wall of Damascus, and it shall devour the strongholds of Ben-hadad.  
• I will terrify Elam before their enemies, and before those who seek their life; I will bring disaster upon them

Um, no thank you. It’s no wonder some quake in their boots at God’s judgment. Some think God is only around to use the gavel, and pass harsh sentences, like wallowing in vomit. That’s just mean.

All of these books in Scripture were written by humans, or at least scribed by humans. Humans who had personalities, and conflicts and perspectives. There is no way that the stories we read now, millennia later, are entirely absent the scribers’ flair. I am not trying to dismiss Jeremiah’s prophecies as untrue, or that God wasn’t talking to him. And it sounds so incongruous to my understanding of God.

Maybe I’m wrong in my understanding of God. Or maybe I’m judging Jeremiah’s prophecies from my lens and my context. Maybe during Jerimiah’s time, these prophecies made sense and weren’t so out of character, at least in my understanding. Or maybe Jeremiah is infusing his prophecies with his lens and his context. Whatever the reason, this is hard for me to wrap my head around.

To be clear, I believe God is a just God. I believe there are consequences for my behavior. But I don’t think it involves God making me despised. I’m not sure what to do with all of that wrath and vengeance, but there was one little bit in this section that did sound more familiar to my understanding of God.

In the midst of all these God-induced tribulations, God instructs those who are to be decimated that they are to “Leave your orphans, I will keep them alive; and let your widows trust in me.” So even in the midst of this fury, God is caring for the least and the last.

I am not sure that’s enough to allow me to recognize the God described here, but it definitely helps.

This morning, I’m thinking about the God others describe that I don’t recognize, and wondering if the disconnect in their description, or my understanding.

Oct 18 2021 Day 206 Jeremiah 39:1–45:5

At the end of ten days the word of the LORD came to Jeremiah.



When reading Scripture, it’s easy to lose track of time. By that I mean that it’s easy to forget what time is passing in the stories I read. Jeremiah’s woes and prophesies must take years to unfold. But since I’m reading it in bits over the course of a few weeks, I forget the time that passes in his narrative. Even when you read about years passing, I forget that their years are just like my years. A year is a long time in my world, and when I read something about a year in their time, again, it doesn’t seem have the same duration as my years.

Except when I read that something took 10 days. For whatever reason, that feels like my own measurement of 10 days. That makes the story relatable in my sense of time.

At the end of 10 days, the word of the Lord came to Jeremiah. I don’t know what Jeremiah was doing for those 10 days, but he had been told that the word of the Lord would come to him, so I can imagine he was waiting. Was he sitting on a park bench, looking up at the sky, waiting? Was he kneeling, deep in prayer for 10 days? Whatever he was doing, 10 days feels like a long time to wait for a promised word of God.

If God said he was going to send God’s word to me, I would impatiently wait, after about 10 minutes. I’m waiting. Any time now.

This morning, I’m thinking about my ignorance and impatience at time. Things in Scripture took a long time, even though we read through the stories much quicker. Forty years in the wilderness. Three days in the belly of the fish. Ten days awaiting the Lord’s word. I’m not suggesting that all of these things are literally and equally the time I’m familiar with, but I do think that the time described in scripture is relevant to the story. 40 years was about the time it took a generation to pass away, it’s a long time. Ten days waiting for the Lord’s word is far more than 20 minutes. I need to pay more attention to the times listed in scripture and consider what that time means to the story, and what it means in my world.

More important, I need to get over my sense of impatience. Things don’t need to happen immediately. I don’t need to get frustrated when they don’t happen as I think they should. There’s beauty in waiting. There can definitely be peace in waiting, with the right attitude. And sometimes, things are delayed because things wouldn’t work out in my rushed immediate sense of things.

For example, I started the education and formation process to get ordained when my kids were little. I couldn’t imagine how I was going to serve at church, when my kids were familiar and known at our home parish. My husband doesn’t attend church, so it all rested on me to get them to church. The kids didn’t sign up to work on Sunday mornings, so I couldn’t very well make them sit through two services at an unfamiliar church. Whatever will I do? As it turned out, but the time I was ready to be assigned to a church, that problem had vanished. The kids were old enough to come with me sometimes, go to our home church sometimes, and in either case, drive themselves. The waiting actually solved my problem.

Today, I’m going to try to recognize my impatience, and see what else I might do during those periods of waiting.

Oct 17 2021 Day 206 Jeremiah 34:1–38:28

Now, after the king had burned the scroll with the words that Baruch wrote at Jeremiah’s dictation, the word of the LORD came to Jeremiah



After Jeremiah had heard all these prophesies from God, he was finally asked to put them on a scroll. The king did not like what he’d heard from the scroll, what with the command to live right by the Lord and abide by the Lord. He burned the scrolls. And quoting a line from a great song by Unspoken (Bury the Workman), “God is not persuaded by the arrogance of men”. So God just dictated, and Jeremiah dictated a second scroll which contained everything from the first, and then some more, just for good measure. The king was ignoring God’s holiness, whereas Jeremiah, who hadn’t had an easy go of being a prophet, repeatedly responded in big and little ways to God’s requests. Go write another scroll. Um, ok.

The accompanying reflection for this section is from Eugene Peterson, and he focuses on holiness. We strive to live holy lives, or at least find holy moments. And then life interrupts and we find ourselves painting window trim, grocery shopping, mowing, picking up kids, and we feel like our holy moment has passed by without us.

Peterson argues that holiness isn’t necessarily time set apart, or being pious, or going to church. Holiness occurs when we are fully present in all of the moments of our lives. Yes, when we’re at church, or in our prayer chair. But also when we are in traffic, mowing, dictating a scroll, or chopping onions. There is nowhere and nothing that cannot be imbued with holiness. God is present in all of those places and things; our challenge is to remember that and rest in that holiness in the mundane.

This morning, I’m thinking about my day’s tasks. Grocery shopping, window trim painting, meal planning, dinner prep, staining a door, and going to church. None of these moments are more or less holy. God is not present some places and absent others. Every moment of my day has the potential for holiness. Even the rough moments. I just need to live like that’s true.

 It's been a while for a mental health update. That is actually great news, as it means that things have calmed down a bit since our last crisis. 

First of all, I've been schooled on the vernacular. There are many advocates in the field who've walked away from the idea of 'mental illness' or even mental health. 

Schizophrenia and bi-polar are serious brain diseases, not well understood, and mostly only managed rather than cured.  They affect the brains of the afflicted, and renders them not like the people they once were, although they look the same. 

Parkinson's, Alzheimer's and Lou Gehrig's Disease are a serious brain diseases, not well understood, and mostly only managed rather than cured. they affect the brains of the afflicted and renders them not like the people they once were although they look the same.

If you describe Parkinson's, Alzheimer's, schizophrenia and bi-polar, they are strikingly similar. And yet.. We would never say that someone with Parkinson's has a mental illness.  We would never wait for a person with Alzheimer's to actually harm someone before we hospitalized them for their own benefit. We would not allow someone with Alzheimer's to deny treatment, because we would have compassion on the fact they don't know they're sick enough to need treatment.  

When someone with Alzheimer's gets lost on the streets, the police are sent to find and return them to care. When someone with schizophrenia gets lost on the streets, the police are sent to arrest and jail them. 

So, my loved one has a serious brain disorder. Words matter, and I will fail and refer to mental illness, but know that I would never refer to my mother-in-law with Alzheimer's as having mental illness. I will try to do better.  

My loved one with a significant brain disorder has been home in our new community and house for two months.  They've been med-compliant for two months. Their meds have changed a bit, with a higher twice-daily dose of a mood stabilizer to address the bi-polar manic symptoms, and a monthly long-acting injectable antipsychotic for the hallucinations and delusions. Our loved one is finding the side effects much easier to tolerate, as well as finding the meds more helpful, particularly for the manic episodes. To be clear, manic episodes are not necessarily excessively happy. They're just excessive- really really excessive.  Our loved one is also a little resigned that life seems better for the rest of us when they take their meds.  It helps that our loved one lives on the second floor, has enough autonomy to largely make their own decisions, and that I bring up the meds twice a day. They've not declined or argued to take them even once.  This is a huge win/win.  This is not likely to be a permanent improvement. The nature of the disease is that it is cyclical, and the efficacy of meds changes over time. We will likely face another crisis and hospitalization, but for now we have a med-induced truce.  

This is probably the most stable we have seen our loved one in over five years. One of the interesting things about schizophrenia is that there are two kinds of symptoms, those that add to the personality - like hallucinations and delusions, and those that take away from the personality - like loss of executive functioning, impulse control, normal social interactions. The symptoms that take away parts of personality can occur for five years or more before the noticeable additive symptoms. For our loved one, we observed what is referred to as a psychotic break in December 2018. But in hindsight, the symptoms that removed parts of their personality had been present for years before that.  To us, it looked like normal teenage bad behavior, if not a little excessive. It's probably been nearly 10 years where their behavior has been affected by this disease. And now, with the new-found med-compliance, things are much more like they were before.  It's lovely. And unfortunately, not permanent.  

This is also the first time in at least three years when our loved one has been able to go out, meet real people, and socialize. In the recent past, our loved one's interactions have largely been with people online, with interactions with our loved one's 60,000+ Instagram followers (truth). This social media presence has further supported our loved one's belief that they are famous, which in a way they are. But now, they're able to also go out and meet people.  For this, my husband and I are exceedingly glad.

The greatest challenge is that now, we're living with a young adult who is able to make their own decisions about when to go out, who to see, who to bring home, and how to behave. For many years, we had to deal with a social media presence that we didn't necessarily love, but now we have people coming in the house. Now our loved one goes out late at night, and like all normal parents, we worry.  We've had to have conversations with our loved one about how we're learning how to peacefully coexist, and love and support them, and about any boundaries we need to place for us.  But like all adult children, our boundaries need to focus on us and our needs, rather than on our expectations of what they'll do or not do. We can certainly tell our loved one what we hope they'll do or choose. And we can tell them what we expect, as they're behavior affects us. For example, if you miss an appointment for us to take you to the grocery store, we'll go again when it's convenient for us, not necessarily when you awaken. 

It's definitely a challenge to remember that they should be allowed to make their choices, and that we don't get to rule their life. We've actually had a great conversation about how we're learning to live together in this new house and community, so we all need to have a little grace as we figure it out, both us and them. 

So for now, the significant brain disorder is at bay. So now is the time we're working with them on normal young adult things like budgeting, and shopping, etc.  At some point, the illness will rear its ugly head, and we'll be back in crisis mode. For now, peace.  Or at least peace-ish. 

Oct 15 2021 Day 205 Jeremiah 30:1–33:26

For thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel: Houses and fields and vineyards shall again be bought in this land.

After all the trials and tribulations, after God sending the people out and letting them be captured by the Babylonians, God is providing a vision of hope and promise and faith. Despite everything being desolated, people will once again buy houses, fields and vineyards in their homeland.

I admit I’m struggling a bit through Jeremiah, what with the conflicting prophets and the angry, vindictive God. Every day, I struggle not to focus on things that don’t sound like the God I have been raised to know. After God’s covenants with Abraham and Noah, and whoever else I’m missing, God allows his chosen people to be captured. But THIS time, he promises that his people will be returned and God will make an everlasting covenant that God will never draw back from doing good again. Haven’t we read that before? So that’s what I don’t want to focus on, but it does perplex me.

Thanks to the reflection for this appointed section of Jeremiah, from Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who focuses on God’s consistent mercy. Again, Bonhoeffer writes at a time when he’s jailed by the Nazis. He points to this section of Jeremiah, the idea that despite all of their trials people will once again buy houses and fields. That demonstrates a great sense of trust and faith in the future, and that’s where Bonhoeffer focuses.

He prays that this sense of faith and trust in tomorrow be granted daily from God, despite the sufferings of today. That was no small task for him, as he was awaiting execution from the Nazis. But as he points out, if we only have faith when things are easy today, that’s not really faith. If we don’t stand firmly in the world in which we find ourselves – in good and bad times – we have a fair weather faith. He writes, “I fear that Christians who stand with only one leg upon earth also stand with only one leg in heaven.” If the returning Israelites can plant vineyards, and Bonhoeffer can have faith in a merciful God, I should be able to. Even if I struggle with a God that’s seemingly wrathful. That’s my problem, not God’s.

 God-made-man promises love, and mercy, and has made a covenant with me personally that supersedes all of my conflicted understanding of the God of Jeremiah. This morning, I’m thinking about God’s covenant and bond with me that’s indissoluble, and should provide me with all I need to buy that vineyard in the desolate land.

Oct 14 2021 Day 204 Jeremiah 25:1–29:32

…for in truth the LORD sent me to you to speak all these words in your ears.



Reading through Jeremiah, it’s easy to get confused about who’s the true prophet, and who isn’t. Since we’re reading in the book of Jeremiah, and not the book of Hananiah or Uriah, I think Jeremiah is the one. But all of the prophets in this book are claiming to speak the word of God. How did the scripture compilers know which prophet was real, when they all prophesied in the name of the Lord, and all had differing prophesies? Maybe there’s an answer to that question, and maybe it would take a long time to research. Or maybe there isn’t an answer. For me, the more relevant question is how do we know today?

In today’s crowded and polarized Christian field, there are far too many prophets each saying they’re speaking God’s word, that they’re the true prophet, and the true direction. If you follow that leader, we’re on the right path. If you follow anyone else, woe to you. And then the next leader says the same thing. If you follow me or my beliefs, you’re on the right path. Anyone else, and woe to you.

I’ve heard this related to many things about how we worship: the Pope and eucharist in the Roman Catholic tradition, I’ve heard it related to what day we consider the sabbath, whether icons are idols, whether infants should be baptized, and whether full immersion baptism is the only one that counts. That’s only considering the issues that most would consider ‘insider baseball.’. You also hear it related to nearly every social issue – pro-life, pro-capital punishment, black lives matter, environmental care, doctrine of discovery, even eating meat. God has told me that my perspective or outlook is True, and to do anything else, well, woe to you.

And all of these differing prophecies are only related to Christianity. Consider the other world religions which also claim to be God’s Truth, and I’m really flummoxed. To be clear, I’m not denying or discrediting anyone’s belief that they’re way is the True way. I’ve no idea, any more than I would have no idea in Jeremiah’s time which voice was True.

The challenge, as I see it, is that all of these Christian voices all are pointing to the same sources, the same Scripture. I don’t understand how any one perspective could be deemed the True way, when they’re all inspired by the same source I use. What that tells me is that there are many truths, and many ways. 

I think I need to rest in not knowing, and in hoping that there are many paths. As a Christian, I hope that what really matters is following Jesus, in loving God and loving my neighbor. The rest of the voices claiming to be the only way? I can let them prophecy and claim they’re the Truth. Whether it’s the way I worship, what I believe about sacraments or the sabbath, or pro-life, or race issues, I deeply hope that I’m not following someone who ends up being like Hananiah. And I trust that as long as I keep my eyes focused on Jesus’ love, the rest sounds like clanging gongs.

Oct 12 2021 Day 203 Jeremiah 25:1–29:32

But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.



God is telling the people that although they’ve been exiled to Babylon, they should fully live – build houses, plant gardens, and have families. The people should take care of themselves and live as they had before the exile. More demanding though, is God’s call that they seek the welfare of the city where they were sent. This is the ultimate example of the adage, when life hands you lemons….

I can imagine that the people were pretty distraught. They were no longer in their homeland, in their literal God-given land. They’re conquered and displaced, allowed by the God who was to be their protector. And now, that same God is asking them to seek the welfare of the city where they are.

This is a hard lesson for me. There’ve been times when I felt like I was stuck in the wrong city, wrong job, wrong church. It’s easy to be angry and testy about the wrongness. But if God was telling the people to seek the welfare of their captor’s city, of course God would ask me to seek the welfare of the city, job, or church where I was; in its welfare I would find welfare.

As someone who is very comfortable changing my circumstances, this is challenging. Instead of being content with a mediocre whatever, I would be much more inclined to change things. At one point, I was in a job that felt patently wrong. It took a long time to change that, and there were a few years where I tried to change things to no avail. Woe is me. I don’t think I sabotaged anything in that place, but I definitely grumbled. I’m not sure I actually sought its welfare. And I’m certain I didn’t think that from its welfare would come my welfare.

This morning, I’m thinking about how to pray to the Lord on behalf of anything that feels like my personal exile, rather than grumbling about it. We all have things we feel are not precisely as we like it. Learning to thrive where we are is a challenge, and according to God, the welfare of our exiled circumstances can be our welfare too.

Oct 11 2021 Day 202 Jeremiah 21:1–24:10

Who can hide in secret places so that I cannot see them? says the LORD. Do I not fill heaven and earth? says the LORD.



God is everywhere, at all times. There is no place beyond God. No place where God is not. This is both comforting and a little frightening. If only God could be looking the other way when I (fill in the blank). Nope. God is there. And God was with me when I made the choice to do (fill in the blank), so once I went to that secret place, God already knew. God does judge and insist on righteousness, and God is a god of mercy and love and restoration. But to be clear, there are no secret places, no secret thoughts.

The accompanying reflection is from A. W. Tozer, and he writes that God is omni-present, just like water is to a fish. This reminds me of another saying that a fish doesn’t know it’s in water, as it’s never been anywhere else. If God is around us like water is to fish, that creates a certain unknow-ability to us. We cannot truly know that God is all around, because we’ve never known or never existed anywhere but in God’s omnipresence. I can read that it’s true, I can mostly trust that it’s true. But I cannot really know it’s true, because I’ve nothing to compare it to, just like the fish can’t truly understand what living in water is like.

There are people who, despite God’s ever-present love, live removed from that love. They walk away from the love and grace. This can happen because they are inherently unable to accept this love, because their life choices have rendered them unable to accept the love, or because the actions of others have left them so broken they cannot access God’s love. I’m thinking of people like the sociopaths, addicts, and abused.

God is all around them too, and God’s love and mercy are just a choice away, I think. But how can I help? How can I show them God’s love, or convince them of that omnipresent, loving, merciful God? I don’t have the answers, but I love the questions. This morning, I’m thinking about how to bring others to the understanding that they too are fish in the water, even if they don’t know it.

Oct 10 2021 Day 201 Jeremiah 17:1–20:18

The heart is devious above all else; it is perverse—who can understand it? 

The reflection accompanying this section of scripture is from Dietrich Bonhoeffer, while he was in a Nazi prison. He suggests that the way to tolerate prison is to focus on what one has left, rather than what has been taken away. I suspect this is perfect advice in all times and all places. If only we could focus on what we have. I saw a quote once that basically said that a person who feels they are lacking now, will always feel they’re lacking. It’s a choice, to focus on what we have versus what we don’t.

Bonhoeffer says that at random times, for no apparent reason, his perspective changes, and he’s left focusing on what he does not have, being full of resentment and discontent. Here, he references this passage from Jeremiah, “The heart is devious above all else; it is perverse – who can understand it?” He says it feels like an invasion from the outside, this sudden change of heart. It’s as if evil powers are trying to rob the soul of what is most vital.

I have definitely had those moments. I walk along, not looking where I’m going, quite contentedly walking in God’s path, or so I hope. Suddenly, I trip on a rock, or walk into a tree. I stumble, and look up again, to get back on the way I wanted to be all along.

Or more insidious, I am fully paying attention to God, reading, praying, worshipping – all the things I genuinely believe support me. For no apparent reason, my outlook changes, and everything is stupid, or useless, or impotent. It does feel like an outside force has taken control, definitely not from my consciousness.

Bonhoeffer suggests that this temporary darkness is actually good, as it teaches to understand human life better. I suppose that’s true. All of us experience times when we’re gripped by that incomprehensible darkness. And some people spend a lot longer in those places, succumbing to the lies of uselessness, worthlessness, and hatred. For me to experience that, even briefly, makes me definitely more empathetic.

I hope that I am able to use those moments to fill me with a deeper understanding of that frightening abandoned feeling that many people must feel. The challenge as I see it is that I don’t know why or when I fall in to that funk, and I definitely don’t know why, when or how I am pulled out. It is obviously God’s grace, but that’s not something I can conjure or plan. If that’s true for me, I don’t know how to help others out of their funk, through my actions. I can pray for others, and I will. Perhaps the best I can do is to try to alleviate their current suffering while also praying. I’m reminded of Gandhi’s quote, “There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread”. Maybe through our feeding the hungry, they can see God, and begin to trust in God, and be willing to accept God’s grace.

Oct 8 2021 Day 199 Jeremiah 8:18–12:17

And after I have plucked them up, I will again have compassion on them, and I will bring them again to their heritage and to their land, every one of them.



Jeremiah is continuing his pretty dire portrayal of God’s coming actions because of the actions of Israel and Judah. Young men will die by the sword, their children die by famine. If they pray or implore God for help, God will not listen. God will bring disaster on the people so they cannot escape. It goes on and on.

But then, seemingly out of nowhere, after God’s done all this, God will have compassion on them. All is good, as long as the people follow God. But if any nation does not, God will ‘complete uproot it and destroy it’.

Has any one ever heard about the old adage of how to train a dog by rubbing their nose in any mistakes they’ve made? This has been entirely debunked. You can’t force good behavior. You can’t scare someone into good behavior. Well, maybe you can for a while, but it’s out of a sense of fear rather than a sense of doing the right thing. And that creates resentment.

This is what I think of when I’m reading Jeremiah’s prophesies about God. God is a wrathful, retribution-seeking God, worthy of fear and obedience – in that order.

I have two thoughts for this. One, Jeremiah got his messages mixed up or had a different understanding of God. In this possibility, God wasn’t really so judgy, but that’s just how it came out in Jeremiah’s understanding or retelling. I do believe humanity’s understanding of God can and has changed over time. Previous understandings weren’t wrong as much as they were unevolved. I know my understanding of God has changed over my lifetime. I think that says more about my understanding of God, rather than God’s changing. This reminds me of Twain’s quote about his dad. “When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

The other possibility, which I’m leaning towards, is that God through Jesus did change. With Jesus’ intimate and personal knowledge of humanity, God had a new intimate and personal knowledge of humanity. Maybe through Christ, God did change and God developed a new human-informed sense of justice and love and mercy. I’m probably treading near heresy here, so I won’t go further.

This morning, I’m thinking about the God as Jeremiah described compared to God I understand through Jesus. I definitely have a preference.

Oct 7 2021 Day 198 Jeremiah 5:1–8:17

They have treated the wound of my people carelessly, saying, “Peace, peace,” when there is no peace.



A few years ago, I found a great Ted Talk (linked here: https://www.ted.com/talks/nancy_duarte_the_secret_structure_of_great_talks/reading-list?referrer=playlist-574) about how to inspire people. The speaker had mapped out great speeches from the past including “Four score and 20 years ago”, and “I have a dream”, as well as more modern day speakers like Steve Jobs. She noted a pattern that looked a city skyline. There was a baseline or street level, and then a small building. Then the street level, and a taller building. Then street level and an even taller building. The pattern ended with a really tall building. These effective speakers talked about how things are today, imperfect or even crummy. Then described a world where things could be better. Then contrasted that with today. Then got people even more amped up with a clearer or more magnificent vision of how things could be. And so on. After describing the best future, they ended with a call to action. It left the hearer with a clear vision of what could be, if they took a particular action. It also left them with a clear and stark contrast of where they’d be if they did nothing. Jeremiah is doing this, although so far, he’s spending more time at the street level, rather than outlining a vision of what could be.

That leaves us with needing to fill in some of the gaps, some of the grandeur of what could be. It’s in Jeremiah’s words, you just have to hunt. This morning’s commentary is from Thomas Merton, who focuses on the bit about saying we have peace, when we really don’t. Merton was a modern day revered contemplative monk. And even he struggled with seeking peace, but taking action that would not bring peace. He says that he “put himself in God’s hands and take myself out again”. At the end he prays, “Jesus, I put myself in Your hands. I rest in Your wisdom, which has arranged all things for me. I promise to stop jumping out of Your arms to try and walk on my own feet, forgetting that I am no longer on the ground, or near it!” All of this stems from the idea that he prays for Peace! Peace! but cannot find it, just like the people Jeremiah is speaking to.

Reading Jeremiah’s words, I did not jump to a place of imagining me in Jesus’ hands. Instead I got stuck at street level, worrying about the dire way things are. I know that God is the ultimate answer, and that I don’t need to figure out how to get things to a better place, and yet….

We humans are short-sighted and need quick and easy answers. We’re losing the ability to stick with a problem long enough, and think about it creatively enough to come to resolution. I’m reminded of TV shows that ended with “to be continued”. What do you mean, the world can’t be nicely resolved in 60 minutes? It’s only gotten worse, with people needing things in Tik-Tok length videos or 132 character Twitterable statements.

God can absolutely bring us to clarity and whatever the next step is, without our help. And it seems like we are called by that same God to help bring other myopic humans along. That could be with speaking in ways that clearly spell out what is versus what could be, or it could be in actions that show God’s love in the world in little ways. Bringing food to hungry neighbors, or making music that brings people closer to God,

This morning, I’m thinking about how to spend more time thinking about God’s kingdom come, and about how my words and actions can bring others along.

Homestead Home Update - slow going, surprises, and flowers

 

It has been a while since I've given an update. That's not because we aren't working. Progress has just been slow!

Wall before it was removed

Removing the wall between kitchen
and bathroom. 

We continue to work on the bathroom on the main floor.  We had to take out all of the lumpy wall board, and the ugly dropped ceiling. Our plan was to take it back to the studs, add a new subfloor, then start rebuilding. The previous owners had put in a dropped ceiling to allow better access to the plumbing for the second floor bathroom, or perhaps to initially add the plumbing. In any case, it was ugly. And it also was added below the top sill of the window, so the that looked stupid too.  We opted to reframe the ceiling at two heights, one up at the full height, above the top of the window, but then it needed to be lower at the other end of the room, to cover the pipes from the second floor.  

Pouring the self-leveler on

When we got down to the old sub floor, there was a 2" height difference in the floor, in the 8' bathroom, so we had to first put down self-leveling goo. It's like thin cement, and it, um, self levels.  Once that dried, then we put the subfloor on. 

Now, we have a level subfloor, waiting for the next steps. 

Framing for ceiling

John framed in where the ceiling was going to go, and then we put drywall up on the ceiling. 

There once had been two doors into the bathroom, one from the dining room, and one from the kitchen, but the door from the dining room had been covered. To make the lay out better, we're vacating the door in the kitchen, and restoring the door from the dining room.  The kitchen is one of the darker rooms in the house, and there's a window in the bathroom that provided light into the kitchen when the bathroom door was open. To offset that new solid wall and accompanying darkness, we purchased a small stained glass window that we'll install high in the wall so light can still come in the kitchen from the bathroom window. This is John framing in that window.  

We've finished the framing, and now are putting the drywall in.  Once that's in, we can start taping and mudding the walls, and install the flooring. Once that's done, we can call the plumbers to put the fixtures in. Woo hoo. Then we'll paint and install whatever's left.  Whew.  

This is what our weekends look like, with boards stacked inside and plywood on top of our car.  

While John was framing, I was working on refinishing the door that had been covered. One side was stained, and had this beautiful marbling, similar to the pattern below. The other side had at least 6 layers of paint. My plan was to paint the side that would be inside the bathroom, and just refinish the stained side. It was pretty scuffed up.  

I have sawhorses set up in the basement, a new lead face mask, a gallon of stripping solvent, scrapers, steel wool, sanders, and great books on tape. The painted side was a bear.  It took numerous coats of remover, and more scraping than I'd like to admit.  I'm not trying to get it to bare wood, but just get rid of the lumpy layers of paint, and the rounded corners from years of overpainting. Once it's smooth-ish, it will be ready to paint with my new fancy paint sprayer.  

The stained side was pretty easy to get off. One coat, and the old varnish came off.  Much to my great dismay, all of the beautiful marbling came off too. It turns out it was a 100 year old artistic finish, and not some exotic wood with exotic grain.  That 'grain' is all through dining room, and on the beautiful mantle, pictured below.  

I will need to figure out how to restore the cracking varnish without disturbing the antique artistic and entirely removable grain. That was a definite surprise!

Today, I will finish the soothing of both sides of the door, and fill in the old holes with wood filler. Then it's ready to hang up and paint, probably tomorrow. 

The final thing I've been working on is I cleaned out and scraped off four flaking concrete planters in the front yard. I used a wire brush, and eventually washed them off.  Then I spray painted them a primer/paint color called "hammered bronze'.   They definitely look classier.  Today, I'll fill them with potting soil, and plant them up with some mums for fall and bulbs for spring.  Sometimes it's the little things that make things feel like home. 

We'll need to find another place for the cat to hang out, once I put flowers in the pot.