The heart is devious above all else; it is perverse—who can understand it?
The reflection accompanying this section of scripture is from Dietrich Bonhoeffer, while he was in a Nazi prison. He suggests that the way to tolerate prison is to focus on what one has left, rather than what has been taken away. I suspect this is perfect advice in all times and all places. If only we could focus on what we have. I saw a quote once that basically said that a person who feels they are lacking now, will always feel they’re lacking. It’s a choice, to focus on what we have versus what we don’t.
Bonhoeffer says that at random times, for no apparent reason, his perspective changes, and he’s left focusing on what he does not have, being full of resentment and discontent. Here, he references this passage from Jeremiah, “The heart is devious above all else; it is perverse – who can understand it?” He says it feels like an invasion from the outside, this sudden change of heart. It’s as if evil powers are trying to rob the soul of what is most vital.
I have definitely had those moments. I walk along, not looking where I’m going, quite contentedly walking in God’s path, or so I hope. Suddenly, I trip on a rock, or walk into a tree. I stumble, and look up again, to get back on the way I wanted to be all along.
Or more insidious, I am fully paying attention to God, reading, praying, worshipping – all the things I genuinely believe support me. For no apparent reason, my outlook changes, and everything is stupid, or useless, or impotent. It does feel like an outside force has taken control, definitely not from my consciousness.
Bonhoeffer suggests that this temporary darkness is actually good, as it teaches to understand human life better. I suppose that’s true. All of us experience times when we’re gripped by that incomprehensible darkness. And some people spend a lot longer in those places, succumbing to the lies of uselessness, worthlessness, and hatred. For me to experience that, even briefly, makes me definitely more empathetic.
I hope that I am able to use those moments to fill me with a deeper understanding of that frightening abandoned feeling that many people must feel. The challenge as I see it is that I don’t know why or when I fall in to that funk, and I definitely don’t know why, when or how I am pulled out. It is obviously God’s grace, but that’s not something I can conjure or plan. If that’s true for me, I don’t know how to help others out of their funk, through my actions. I can pray for others, and I will. Perhaps the best I can do is to try to alleviate their current suffering while also praying. I’m reminded of Gandhi’s quote, “There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread”. Maybe through our feeding the hungry, they can see God, and begin to trust in God, and be willing to accept God’s grace.
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