Feb 15 2019 Mark 10: 32-45

When the ten heard this, they began to be angry with James and John.

Poor Jesus. Throughout the Gospel of Mark, Jesus has been trying to tell his disciples that he’ll be tortured, killed, buried, and rise. But they cannot hear it. They think he’s exaggerating, or that they’ll be able to stop it. In today’s reading, we have another classic human response. Jesus has explained in detail what will happen. In response, we have a lot of jockeying and envy.

Upon hearing this, James and John respond by asking if they can be seated at his right and left – to them, this is a story that is about them and their position. I can imagine Jesus’ exasperation. Not only did they not hear, but they turned it into something about them, something for their own personal gain. Jesus patiently explains that no, he cannot give them those seats.

And then, the remaining disciples are equally petty and .. human. They turned and were angry with James and John. Yes, James and John had jockeyed for position, but then out of envy, the remaining ten showed their desire to jockey for the same position by being angry at James and John. They all were concerned with position and power.

Jesus’ response was to explain that whoever wishes to be great must be servant, and whoever wishes to be first must be slave. I love this, and frequently I get it. But not always.

I’ve been in paying jobs where there was jockeying for who sat with the boss, whose office was closest to the boss, who had the greatest square feet. Other than the square feet argument, I might have partaken in all of these, not frequently, but I have. And I’ve been in places where there was no shortage of envy when someone else got the best seat, best office, best title, most praise. Again, I might have had these flashes of envy. Except for the square feet. That was just stupid.

So how is it I can fully understand and embody the idea of servant ministry, but only sometimes? Why is it not always my response?  I’m guessing it’s because of my pesky humanness.

More important, how can I move away from those human, unattractive, unhelpful responses?  Maybe that is first about God’s grace. Second, it’s about remembering my feelings when I go there. Whenever I feel that sense of “that’s not fair”, I feel bad. I feel dejected, devalued, and petty. Why do that to myself?  To be clear, there are plenty of things in this life that are not fair, but mostly they haven’t happened to me. And I feel so crappy when I wallow in envy that I just need to remember that feeling, and seek the grace to avoid it. Let the others feel envious, crappy, and more deserving. I’ll seek to serve.