Oct 26 2019 Psalm 30

Then you hid your face from me

This is one of those psalms that go from happy to sad to scared to praising in a few verses. Just two verses before, the psalmist says, “when I was secure I said, I shall never be disturbed”. Then he goes on that “then you hid your face from me.”

I’m intrigued by the choice of words, you hid your face from me. It reminds me of playing peek-a-boo with small children. The first couple of times a parent covers their face, the child is in terror. Where did my loved one go? How could they have disappeared? Then, before the wailing begins, the blanket is removed, and the loving parent is miraculously returned. Eventually, this becomes a game. The face is hidden, and slowly the child’s terror is replaced with curiosity, and eventually anticipation of the parent’s return.

We know that as the one who hides our face, we didn’t really ever go anywhere. It’s a child’s limited understanding of the world that creates the terror. The psalmist is likening God’s apparent disappearance to a parent, hiding their face. In our limited understanding of the world, we are in terror.

But like the parent, God doesn’t really go anywhere. We can’t see or can’t sense God’s protective presence, and so we, like the toddler, panic. 

This morning, I’m thinking about whether we can get to that place where the terror is turned into curiosity and eventually, anticipation. God does not abandon us. And I even doubt whether God would hide God’s face. But certainly there are times that I sense God’s protective, loving presence more than others. But in those times where there’s a sense of absence, God is not absent. God is never absent. Sometimes I can’t see as clearly, but that doesn’t have to equal panic.

I have known people who get to those dark places, and sense God’s face is hidden, or God has abandoned them, or the notion of God was fabricated all along. I know from my experience that I cannot convince anyone else about God’s presence, if they don’t have the same experience – especially if they’re in a dark place. That makes me wonder how to hold on, when I go through those moments where I feel God’s not present. No one will likely be able to convince me, any more than I can convince anyone else. To me, that’s where faith comes in. 

There times when I fully believe in all I say and practice in my Christian world. There are other times when belief is waning. At those times, and in those darker times of disbelief, or sense of abandonment, where all I can do is have faith. Faith that the psalmist is right. God hasn’t abandoned me. God wouldn’t. I’m in those moments of terror, when I cannot see God, when it seems God has hidden God’s face. Faith is what you have, when belief is questioned. God, grant me faith to remember that you will never leave, even if I think you’ve hidden your face.