Oct 5 2019 Matthew 8: 18-27

And they went and woke him up, saying, "Lord, save us! We are perishing!" And he said to them, "Why are you afraid, you of little faith?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the sea; and there was a dead calm.

Anyone who’s seen the power of the sea can viscerally understand this. I’ve been on a really big boat in rough seas, and I was unnerved. I can imagine that it’s all the more frightening in a smaller boat, when you’re closer to the water. In this roiling water, Jesus is asleep in the front of the boat.

When I look closer at this little story, it’s complicated. Of course the disciples were afraid. Who wouldn’t be? So what is Jesus saying when he utters those lines I’ve heard repeated, “Oh you of little faith”? What was the behavior or belief of the disciples that Jesus was checking?

Maybe it was the fact that they didn’t call him into the scene earlier, before they got worked up and afraid. If only they’d awoken him earlier, he’d have sorted this all out. I do that, wait until things are nearly spinning out of control before I call out.

Maybe it was the fact that the disciples were upset he was sleeping at all. I do that, presume Jesus is clearly sleeping or busy with someone else’s problems, and doesn’t see me or my problems.

Maybe he was upset because the disciples didn’t think he could do anything about it, even if he’d been awake and attentive. I do that too. I sometimes wonder whether Jesus is bigger than my woes. This is a new thing, that came with the schizophrenia diagnosis in my house. It’s not so much that I don’t think God could fix it, but there aren’t a lot of examples of people coming out of this disease, so although God could, I’m not sure God would.

Maybe it’s because of my life story, but I think Jesus is not talking about any of these, primarily. I think he’s commenting on their fear. Even before my current drama, I’d done or felt all of the other possibilities – thinking God couldn’t or wouldn’t intervene, thinking God’s not paying attention, waiting too long before inviting God into my mess. And I don’t think I’m alone. We all do all of that. All the time. And as someone fully human, I have to believe Jesus knows about this too. Whether it’s anger Jesus shows, or despair from the cross, Jesus, I suspect, shared all of these thoughts. 

But what we don’t see in Jesus is fear. He sets his eyes on trouble, and heads straight in. He answers tricky questions calmly. He shows a sense of despair from the cross, but never fear. Fear is what I think Jesus is calling out, as the ultimate and possibly only illustration of a lack of faith.

In my world, I still sometimes think that God may not intervene in our mental health issues. Not that God couldn’t. Sometimes I think God’s not listening, just like the psalmist cries out. Sometimes I think I’ve got this all covered, when I should invite God in, much sooner. I don’t think these are unreasonable responses, or at least if they are, they’re definitely not uncommon among humanity. They’re not uncommon or infrequent in God’s people in the Scriptures.

Fear is the big thing. It’s the single-most uttered sentiment of Jesus. Do not be afraid. Fear indicates an underlying and abiding sense of hopelessness. Fear says God is ultimately not in control – not in control of my circumstances, of the outcome of the things I care about, and most important, not in control of my soul. 

This morning, I’m thinking about how fear is the ultimate sign of lack of faith in my world, more than despair or anger, a sense of abandonment or even a sense of absurd self-sufficiency. Regardless of those human and hopefully impermanent falterings, I do not have to be afraid. At the end of the day, I do believe God has this. Regardless of the muck I might make of my world, I can imagine God saying, I can work with that. Oh ye of little faith, do not be afraid.