How simple, and how true. In my current world, I have a good amount to be panicky about. My loved one has decided to stop taking medicine. To be fair, it did not appear to be making them healed, but perhaps slightly better. What I don’t know is how it made them feel, which apparently was not good. So no medicine means a deeply unsettled time, both within their head, and within my house. And the unsettledness in that one area, impacts my resilience and patience in every other area of my life, including work, and other relationships.
Our house is in a space of suspended action, with us all waiting to see what will happen next. A very wise and loving friend reminded me, however that waiting for the next situation obscures the current situation. I’m so busy looking for the forest, I cannot see the trees in front of me. Planning and predicting what will happen in 12 months or 5 years is frankly dumb, because there are genuinely so many factors that are both uncontrollable and yet-unknown, it makes no sense. Rather, focus on today and the world as it is. Because that’s how it’s likely to be for quite a while.
As someone who’s been successful at work because of my strategic planning prowess, this is tricky for me. I like to set a course, and move towards that destination. The problem now, is that despite my best attempts, I can see and affect nothing, beyond today. Previously, I had an illusion that I was paving the way to a desired outcome; that’s been my life’s work, but that is absolutely not possible now.
That lack of any ability to predict or affect my tomorrow could be quite panic inducing. Panic gets closer in the middle of the night. But panic is absolutely a sign of a lack of trust. Despite my personal inability to manage this, I do believe tomorrow or next month or 2020 is in God’s capable care. I have absolutely no idea what that looks like, and that’s a little unnerving. But perhaps I can leave the panic aside, and replace it with a deep trust in God.
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