Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid.
Jesus is telling his disciples that he’ll be leaving, but that God will send another advocate, the Holy Spirit, to remind them of all that Jesus said. Jesus leaves his peace, and God sends the Holy Spirit. After this, Jesus reminds them to not let their hearts be troubled, nor let their hearts be afraid.
As someone who normally thinks my way into problems, and thinks my way out, I appreciate Jesus’ reference to the heart. Don’t let your heart be troubled. Don’t let your heart be afraid. There’s something more viscerally innate about fear that comes from the heart, rather than the head. I can worry my way into all sorts of problems, imagining futures that are possibly worse than what will really happen. But when my heart fears, I’m gripped by something that’s hard to think my way out of.
It’s the difference between imagining troubling outcomes to a current situation, versus an actual call from the police. But Jesus reminds me that even that fear that comes from deep within, that fear is not something I should entertain. Do not let your heart be afraid.
Quite unexpectedly, yesterday afternoon, we heard from our loved one that they were being released from their fifth hospitalization since January, and were returning to our home. Although unanticipated, I didn’t feel the fear I’ve felt in similar past circumstances. My head may have conjured up all sorts of conclusions to this chapter, but gratefully fear was not a part of that narrative. Maybe it’s the practice we’ve gotten.
Or maybe it’s something more akin to Jesus’ peace.
In the midst of a persistent, significant mental illness, I have aborted the simpler prayer of ‘make this all go away’. While I fully believe God could heal this disease, it’s not the kind of thing you hear about. Miracles do happen. And maybe I’m faithless, but I am not holding my breath on the miracle cure for this insidious disease. But what I have prayed for, what I have asked others to pray for is peace. Peace for me, my husband, and most of all, for my loved one.
So maybe it’s prayer. Maybe it’s a change of heart in my world. Maybe it’s God’s grace, and the help of the Advocate, that let me actually do what Jesus is commanding. Do not let your heart be troubled. Do not let your heart be afraid.
This morning, I’m thinking about the fear and trouble that wells up from deep in my heart. I wouldn’t have thought that I have the power to do anything with that visceral, heart-aching fear and trouble that wells up from the heart. I wouldn’t have thought that I could think my way beyond or through that kind of trouble.
And as it turns out, maybe I, by myself, can’t.
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