Sep 6 2019 Psalm 31

Be my strong rock, a castle to keep me safe, for you are my crag and my stronghold

In early high school I attended a youth retreat with a neighboring thriving youth program. We drove somewhere I’d never been and ended up at something that my memory sees as a big old drafty stone castle. As I recall, there were probably 20 of us, and the first night we talked about faith, and what we needed in God. And high school, and all of its associated drama. The conversation turned to needing protection from all of that. And from my naïve brain, magically came the suggestion from one of kids that we needed a stronghold or castle in which to hide. Then we read Psalm 31. To my amazement, I realized the name of the retreat center was Stronghold. We were in the Stronghold, the castle to keep us safe.

I was utterly amazed, although that probably said more about my biblical illiteracy than it did God’s divine revealing. In any event, every time I read about the stronghold, I smile, because in high school I was there.  

This morning, I’m thinking about my continued need for a castle to keep me safe. I understand that it’s a metaphor for God, and there’s something about a physical space that feels safe, and holy. I have a morning practice of reading, reflecting and writing about the Morning Prayer readings, and I always do that in a specific chair, affectionately named my prayer chair. When I’m writing, that chair is my castle and it keeps me safe.

But it’s in the midst of my 950sf, 2 bedroom apartment, occupied by three of us, including my loved one with serious and disruptive illness. Other than the quiet still moments in the morning, there’s no way to hold the sense of safe castle space in the apartment.

And so I continue to seek my physical castle. I have another space in my city that we’ve rented, that is that space, mostly. It’s a few blocks away, and provides a quiet, unoccupied, peaceful place. I can write, or think, or sit, or nap. Or have a glass of wine. All of the things I cannot always do in my apartment. Sometimes it feels excessive to preserve that space, but when it’s needed by either my husband or me, it’s definitely needed!

I don’t know if it’s because I have such a concrete brain, or because all the way back in high school, I was at Stronghold, but I have a deep need to have a physical place that is my stronghold and castle. And when I don’t have a place that feels like that, I’m antsy, and anxious, and untethered. I’m grateful that I have the ability to create one, in the midst of this tumultuous time.