“Hear this, O Job; stop and consider the wondrous works of God.”
Job’s three buddies are trying to give him an explanation of his troubles. Along comes Elihu, a fourth ‘helpful’ friend. I must admit that I got lost in the 5000 year old poetic prose, but I think Elihu is trying to explain that God is good, and good to good people. Job is afflicted, ergo he must have done something bad. And what’s worse, Job is whiny, complaining about his troubles. (If anyone who knows more reads this and can kindly correct my understanding, please do!!)
To prove his point, Elihu talks about the thunder of God, of all of the beautiful creatures, of God’s all-powerful nature, and God’s justice. He asks Job to stop and consider all of the wonderous works of God. I’m sorry, but this is patently not helpful.
At this time, Job has lost his wealth, his children and his health, because of some silly wager between God and Satan. I absolutely believe God is wonderous, and all powerful, and just, and merciful, but in the midst of these trials, it is not helpful to remind Job that God is good. God doesn’t seem very good to Job at this point.
I will admit I’m probably one of the worst at this, offering platitudes and comments like “look on the bright side..”. I want to fix, or help fix. And I can equally admit that when I’m the recipient of this well-intentioned-but-ill-received counsel, it is not helpful.
Some years ago, I had a stalker. I’ve since obtained a stalking order, and they’ve moved on to other targets, when not in jail. But at the time, it was all-consuming. They’d contacted previous and current employers, written all sorts of horrible stuff about me on their blog, and grabbed pictures of my family and friends and posted that on their blog as well. At one point, I was beyond exasperated. I called a dear friend, and explained the latest chapter in the saga. She said that I shouldn’t worry, I was safe, and the stalker wouldn’t hurt me. Unfortunately, this was said to allay my concerns, but was absolutely unknowable. The stalker was mentally ill, and I was set in her sights. We genuinely didn’t know if I was safe. Luckily, I was close enough with my friend, I explained that wasn’t helpful, please try again. She asked for time to think about it, and called a while later with Ephesians 6:13, which I still hold dear. It follows the well known bit about putting on the breastplate and helmet and full armor of God. And after having done all you can, just stand.
I couldn’t know what was going to happen with the stalker, but I could get prepared, and then actively stand, knowing God was standing with me whatever happened. While there’s power in standing, there was even more power in receiving counsel that was genuine, and not resulting from a hope things were going to be ok.
Similarly with my current sick loved one. Well intentioned people offer counsel and words of encouragement that aren’t, really. This is a permanent illness, where my loved one’s capabilities or “base line” is being eroded. Good days won’t lead to more good days. They aren’t a sign of ongoing clarity, or a tidy resolution. If my child had cancer, I wouldn’t be advised to offer up some ‘tough love’, to make sure they pull their weight in the house chores. I’ve been advised that the illness could be resolved with an exorcism, avoiding kitty litter, a high fat diet, or exercise. Thanks for the suggestions. And it’s not entirely helpful. Not only do I not want to introduce a new diet, I couldn’t implement for a strong-willed very sick person anyway.
And it’s not especially helpful to hear that God is just and good and wonderous. I know that to be true, but it also sounds like a way to explain that if something bad is happening, it must be something I did, because all-loving God wouldn’t. I imagine that this is how Job is feeling at Elihu’s eloquence.
So after bashing the well-intentioned counsel I’ve received, what would be helpful? I’m not sure. Prayers for peace, calm moments, tolerance. Friendship and companionship not because I have crappy things at home, but because friendship and companionship are always beneficial. Doing nice things without asking what I need.
This wasn’t intended to be a rant, and I apologize if it sounds like that. And if you’re supporting someone dealing with a problem, be cautious when offering advice unless you actually have experience with the crisis. And if you want to offer some helpful supportive comments, be careful it doesn’t sound like Elihu. Just look at all of the wonderous things God has done. Bah Humbug.
No comments:
Post a Comment