And now, O Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in you.
The psalmist is going on and on about his woes and his enemies, and praying to be saved, because then he’ll get back at his enemies. We all have woes, and while sometimes I find these sentiments unfortunately familiar and therefore comforting, today, I’m tired of them. We all have woes, big and little.
Side note, someone once expressed some distress about their kids and followed up with an apology that their trouble wasn’t anything like mine. To be clear, I do not believe there is any hierarchy in woe. To be hurt, or sad, or afraid is exactly the same, regardless of the prompt. My woes are no bigger or smaller than the next persons. Pain is pain. Fear is fear. Anxiety is anxiety. So while I have a particularly ugly woe these days, my thoughts about woe, and God, and redemption are equally valid for anyone’s woe.
Today, I’m thinking about waiting. In the midst of all of the psalmists woes, he acknowledges that his hope is in God, and questions what he’s waiting for. This struck me this morning, as I feel like I could be in a time of waiting. There’s a lot in my life that’s unsettled, and I sometimes feel like I’m waiting for the next opportunity, or the next crisis, or the next hospitalization, or the next vacation. But really, I don’t need to be waiting for anything. My today is exactly where it’s supposed to be, and I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
To wait, or to feel like I’m waiting signals that this moment isn’t precisely perfect, that I need something else, I’m waiting for something else. But I’m not. My hope is in God, and God’s timing is perfect. This moment is perfect. Yes, there’s a lot feels unsettled in my life – job, deacon assignment, parenting a very sick loved one, inability to plan vacations, facing a day of record breaking 115 degrees. I have a lot of proverbial balls in the air. It would be easier on my organized self if some of these balls would land, and then I’d figure out how to respond. And yet none of those unsettled things are in my control. Additionally, I am precisely in this place with all of those things unsettled.
It’s a version of ‘the grass is always greener on the other side’ – this sense that I’m waiting for something – anything – and all will be well. But all is pretty dang well right now, even with these balls in the air. I have full confidence that my unsettled world will settle in God’s time. In the meantime, I need to work on addressing my unsettled mind, and stop waiting for things. My hope and trust is in God. Waiting is a low-level discontent that I don’t want or need. Today, I want to relish in my day and life, and stop waiting for something else.
Side note - Happy, happy birthday Katherine, my oldest friend! Life is sweeter because of you.
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