Do forgive my sin just this once.
Moses is doing his best to extract himself and the Israelites from Pharaoh’s grip, but God has ‘hardened Pharaoh’s heart’, and for ten different, increasingly icky plagues, Aaron and Moses have shown God’s might, in hopes that Pharaoh will let the Israelites go. Nearly every time, Pharaoh acts repentant, explaining that yes, this time, he’ll let them go. Ha. Not this time.
At the eighth plague, Pharaoh tips his hand in his understanding of God and himself. Seven previous times, Pharaoh has agreed, and then changed his mind. Each time he shows no acknowledgment of the previous times this same story has been played out. And on the eight plague, he says something that I’d never caught before. Do forgive my sin, just this once. Hmm.
It’s as if he doesn’t realize he’s done this several times before. Or that perhaps he’ll sin again. Just this once.
This morning, I’m thinking about whether I approach God with that same amnesia about the past, or denial of my future. Just this once God, forgive. Just this once God, heal. I am stunned by Pharaoh’s myopic view of himself and of God, and of the repetitions we go through in our lives.
I don’t think that I pray like that. Just this once. Our practice of daily confessions helps me realize that today I need forgiveness, just as I did yesterday, and just as I will tomorrow.
But I do think that humans bargain with God all the time, just like toddlers try to do with their parents. Just this once mommy, read me an extra book. We see it with toddlers, when were the one being petitioned. But do we see it when we’re the ones doing the bargaining?
God, just this once, heal my loved one. Forgive my sharp tongue or my petty thoughts. I’m certain I do that. And I’m certain God hears it for the bargaining it is. I swear, I won’t ask again, or I won’t sin again, or I won’t be needy again. And maybe I believe it. But honestly, it’s no more true for me, than it is for the toddler or Pharaoh. Today, I hope to acknowledge the rerun nature of my foibles, and never try to bargain that I need something from God, just this once.
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