Even though you intended to do me harm, God intended it for good.
Yesterday’s reflection focused on this same section of scripture, a foreshadowing of this incredible grace and forgiveness shown by Joseph. Regardless of what his brothers did, which I’d argue was not God’s plan, God turned it into good. God redeemed and renewed the mess humans had made, and turned it into good.
I have a priest friend who was a Vietnam veteran. He was an interrogator, and by his own account did bad things as a result of the war, and his role in it. Upon the end of the war, he entered seminary and became a priest. He spent years trying to quash that part of himself, the ugly, unkind and evil parts. He tried to bring to God his best self, and hide these bits. But those bits were a part of him too. So he was bringing to God his incomplete self, despite his deep faith and intention to live right by God.
A spiritual director helped him see that he was bringing only the shiny bits to God, as if God wouldn’t really love him – all of him. This meant that his faith in God was incomplete, or at least that he doubted its full extent. Could he be loved by God if God knew of his ugly bits?
Of course, God already knew about his ugly bits. God was with him in Vietnam. But by hiding them away, God couldn’t work with him to redeem and renew those parts. When my friend was finally able to bring those parts to God, he realized a few things. First, God really did love him. All of him. Even the ugly bits. And more important, God was able to renew and redeem those bits into something good. What humanity had done that had caused harm, God turned into good.
My friend became a nationally known speaker on PTSD and spirituality. He was able to draw on his first hand account of the evil he’d done, and the evil done on his behalf, and then talk about God’s love, and how spirituality was a key healing component for veterans dealing with PTSD, which nearly all combat veterans do. He was able to work with psychiatrists and round out the story of healing for veterans for whom God was perceived as missing.
What we do for ill, God turns to good.
This morning, I’m thinking about any parts of me I withhold from God. Are there parts I think will make me unlovable? More important, how might God redeem those parts? One thing that I have been increasingly experiencing is that as the caregiver of someone with a significant persistent mental illness, it’s the kind of thing that’s hard to talk about. When people ask how I am, do they really want to hear about the murderous note we received from our loved one, or the incessant foul language and substances? Maybe not. But it is absolutely a part of who I am, and certainly plays into my response to “how are you”?
But with prayer and reflection and sharing in the right places, God is able to turn my experience to good. I’ve been able to be a part of conversations about mental health and spirituality. I’ve been able to direct other caregivers to resources I’d previously never needed. I can share truths about this illness that people need to hear. And my loved one is reaching hundreds of people each day with their social media outreach, speaking their truth. God can redeem even schizophrenia.
I need to remember that there is no part of me, of my past, of my thoughts – nothing – that God cannot redeem, if I am willing to be vulnerable enough to bring it to God and ask.
I have a priest friend who was a Vietnam veteran. He was an interrogator, and by his own account did bad things as a result of the war, and his role in it. Upon the end of the war, he entered seminary and became a priest. He spent years trying to quash that part of himself, the ugly, unkind and evil parts. He tried to bring to God his best self, and hide these bits. But those bits were a part of him too. So he was bringing to God his incomplete self, despite his deep faith and intention to live right by God.
A spiritual director helped him see that he was bringing only the shiny bits to God, as if God wouldn’t really love him – all of him. This meant that his faith in God was incomplete, or at least that he doubted its full extent. Could he be loved by God if God knew of his ugly bits?
Of course, God already knew about his ugly bits. God was with him in Vietnam. But by hiding them away, God couldn’t work with him to redeem and renew those parts. When my friend was finally able to bring those parts to God, he realized a few things. First, God really did love him. All of him. Even the ugly bits. And more important, God was able to renew and redeem those bits into something good. What humanity had done that had caused harm, God turned into good.
My friend became a nationally known speaker on PTSD and spirituality. He was able to draw on his first hand account of the evil he’d done, and the evil done on his behalf, and then talk about God’s love, and how spirituality was a key healing component for veterans dealing with PTSD, which nearly all combat veterans do. He was able to work with psychiatrists and round out the story of healing for veterans for whom God was perceived as missing.
What we do for ill, God turns to good.
This morning, I’m thinking about any parts of me I withhold from God. Are there parts I think will make me unlovable? More important, how might God redeem those parts? One thing that I have been increasingly experiencing is that as the caregiver of someone with a significant persistent mental illness, it’s the kind of thing that’s hard to talk about. When people ask how I am, do they really want to hear about the murderous note we received from our loved one, or the incessant foul language and substances? Maybe not. But it is absolutely a part of who I am, and certainly plays into my response to “how are you”?
But with prayer and reflection and sharing in the right places, God is able to turn my experience to good. I’ve been able to be a part of conversations about mental health and spirituality. I’ve been able to direct other caregivers to resources I’d previously never needed. I can share truths about this illness that people need to hear. And my loved one is reaching hundreds of people each day with their social media outreach, speaking their truth. God can redeem even schizophrenia.
I need to remember that there is no part of me, of my past, of my thoughts – nothing – that God cannot redeem, if I am willing to be vulnerable enough to bring it to God and ask.
Beautiful truth
ReplyDeleteThank you. I am trying to remember to have your blog be a part of my everyday.
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