Then the LORD said to Jacob, “Return to the land of your ancestors and to your kindred, and I will be with you.”
Jacob, his wives and his children by them, his wives’ slaves and his children by them, and his flocks and herds are on the move. He wrestles with God overnight, he meets Esau, his daughter Dinah is raped, his brothers avenge their sister, and kill the offending men after having them circumcised. Whew. A lot of drama in poor Jacob’s life, on this journey God sent him on. But don’t worry, God was with him.
This morning, I’m thinking about what it means to have God with Jacob, during all of this drama. Of what it means that God is with us, during our drama. This is, to me, proof that God does not promise a rose garden, or an easy time. Rather, God promises presence. Of course, as his daughter is raped, and sons murder others, I can imagine that God’s presence felt far away, or impotent. I have felt that too.
The meditation accompanying this reading asks why it’s sometimes hard to focus on God’s presence, day to day. For one thing, it’s hard because I’m busy. I’ve got lots to do, dinner to cook, groceries to buy. I forget. More apparent from this reading is the fact that it’s hard to care sometimes about God’s presence, when terrible things are happening. If God sits by and watches Jacob’s family drama, watches my family drama, it’s hard to care about God’s presence.
To be clear, I’m not doubting it’s there. I know God is present. And sometimes I wish God would intervene and make things not quite so crappy.
If it sounds like I’m a little testy, I am. My loved one is making increasingly dumb choices, that affect the household. I want this to be easier. Actually, I want God, ominipresent God, to jump in and fix something.
I believe what I need is to go for a walk, do some yoga, cook some good food. I need to get out of my head and my funk. I need to look at the baby crocus flowers just beginning to come up, have a wonderful cup of coffee on the porch. Take a walk with my little grocery trolly cart to the grocery store and listen to some beautiful music, be grateful for the ability to walk, buy, listen, cook.
When I get out of my rut, it’s easy again to remember and be grateful for God’s presence. I can take that sense of gratitude and wonder at the flowers and bring it back into my house. And just maybe, through me, God’s presence will jump in and fix something.
Full of Hope & Grace 🌺
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