Jan 15 2020 Matthew 18: 15-22

Then Peter came and said to him, ‘Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?’

This morning’s pre-trip reflection focuses on friendships that will be tested, irksome habits that may annoy, and how to manage that, in the crucible of this one week time together. As a newcomer to this group of Ohioans, my intention is to be entirely humble; I don’t want to be the annoying extra friend at the dinner table, to those I don’t know, and particularly to those I do.

The appointed scripture for this reflection was from Matthew, and focused on how to work through a disagreement. When alone with that person, talk with them in private. If they understand and you make up, you’ve made a friend. That is absolutely great advice. There are so many times when that kind of disagreement hasn’t gotten resolved, and it’s generally because this simple counsel wasn’t followed. Either the initial discussion was not done in private, but in front of others. That’s a sure way to entrench people, as they feel called out and defensive. Do it in private. The other thing is if an issue is not raised at all. Of course it can’t get resolved if the other person doesn’t know what that there’s a problem. It’s interesting how Jesus had this resolution clearly spelled out, 2000 years ago. Humanity doesn’t change.

The passage from Matthew continues that once you’ve made up with the other person – when two or three are gathered in Jesus’ name, he will be present. This is a familiar passage to me, as it’s repeated every day in Morning Prayer. It’s a nice reminder of God’s presence in community.

After all of this lovely advice from Jesus, Peter comes through as the fallible human – just like me. Ok, ok, he says, but if someone sins against me repeatedly, just how forgiving do I need to be? What’s the outer limit of what I’m expected to tolerate and forgive? Seven times seventy times, which in ancient allegorical language was the equivalent of infinity or endlessly. Forgive as many times as someone needs forgiveness, to keep community.

This is one of those teachings of Jesus that I’ve found we think we can limit or modify, to suit our preferences. With my sick family member, they’ve been pretty crappy to us, at least 70 times. Well intentioned, loving Christian folks, including me, get to a point where I think forgiveness isn’t warranted. I’ve had loving, kind, Christians tell me in response to some part of my past year, that they knew people who disowned their children. Or others who suggest what we should or shouldn’t allow, because their behavior is unforgivable.

To be clear, I’m not talking about safety boundaries, or about the amount of disruption I can handle. Forgiveness is about the underlying active love for the person. My sick loved one is teaching me all about seven times seventy times forgiveness.

This morning, I’m thinking about seven times seventy. About how Jesus did not give Peter a convenient outer limit of the extent of forgiveness. I’m intrigued by how we, as a society, have uniformly decided that unlimited forgiveness shouldn’t be allowed, that there really are outer limits. But that’s not what Jesus said. Today, I want to think about all those people or instances where I have bought into society’s notion of limited forgiveness, and return back to Jesus’ notion of endless forgiveness. Boundless forgiveness can free me from those past hurts. Seven times seventy.