Ah, music. Music has the power to turn words into prayers. When I lived in Eugene, I had the great honor of singing with the Greater Eugene Sacred Choir, a multi-denominational choir with great compositions, instrumentation, and fellow singers. We sang a song set to Psalm 139. I’m sure it said that in the header of the music, but I could never have told you where the lyrics were from, without the music in front of me. Today, when I read Psalm 139, I was flooded with warm memories of singing those words. Never again will I forget that Search me o Lord is from Psalm 139.
And what words they are! Search me O Lord, and know my heart. You know my coming and going, my sitting and standing. God knows all. God knows my heart. God knows my joys and sorrows, my stated, as well as my true intentions. Before words are in my mouth, God knows.
To believe this is both comforting and frightening. For God to know everything, I must believe that God knows all the dark and twisted bits. God knows those parts of me I hide from everyone, including myself. That notion of being completely seen is frightening, because we’ve all been trained to believe that love is somewhat conditional. I love you, but not if you hurt me. I love you, but not if you hurt yourself. I love you, but I love you more if you fill my image of who you are. For God to know our hearts and our words before they’re spoken means that all of our parts that are not light and love are seen by God. Horrors.
But the great comfort is that God’s love is not conditional. It is not dependent upon anything. It does not depend on our goodness or our portrayal of goodness. God loves us. Period. God, in Jesus Christ, loved the very people who were putting him to death. Forgive them, for they know not what they do. God in Jesus Christ allowed humanity to kill God in Jesus Christ, to show just how far God’s love will go.
God knows my standing up and sitting down. God is before and behind me. The darkness is not dark to God. The darkest night is like day. My darkest bits are enlightened and brightened by God’s immeasurable light and love. So to be fully known, to be fully seen by God is actually a beautiful thing, once we get past the notion that God’s love is limited or conditional.
This morning, I’m thinking about how grateful for God’s ever-present and unconditional love. That makes me much less afraid of the dark.
So vulnerably beautiful Carter.
ReplyDeleteThere is so much to be afraid of in these times. Leaning in to God is our only comfort in the scariest times. Know that I am with you always, as well.
Nancy,
DeleteThank you for your companionship, and your feedback. It's a pleasure to write, with readers like you!