The psalmist is talking about being persecuted and having enemies, and this litany is interspersed with hope-filled praise, worship and petitions. The accompanying reflection is from Gerald May from the book, The Dark Night of the Soul. He argues that God’s role in our suffering is to stand with us. This I absolutely believe.
He goes on to provide a very interesting premise. He says that God provides guidance to us, during the good and the bad. For things of the world, it is good to have light to help us to see. But he argues that for spiritual matters, sometimes that light gives us a false sense of direction; seeing a little bit allows us to take off in precisely the wrong direction. He continues that God sometimes provides the darkness to protect us from stumbling. He says, “When we cannot chart our own course, we become vulnerable to God’s protection”. In a witty play on words, he argues that God helps us frequently by providing not a guiding light, but a guiding night. Ooh. I like that.
There is definitely something to the notion that we stick closer to secure things in the dark. I hold on tighter to my husband’s hand in a dark night walk. And I stick closer to my faith practices, when I’m feeling in the dark. That sense of not being able to see or not knowing where I’m going isn’t pleasant; it is very vulnerable, and all sorts of bad things could happen. That’s why we should move slowly, and put our trust in the truly solid things that can guide us through.
I admit to be struggling a bit at home. My loved one is increasingly anxious and as a result, angry. Two days ago, they threw beer on me out of anger. I went out to our 4th of July dinner with friends a little soggy. This morning, they awoke early (or never went to bed), and met us as we awoke to explain their anger about us stealing their money since they were 6 (I think it’s in reference to social security we received for their care), for raping them and stealing their money. They yelled, and want to talk to an attorney. I hadn’t even had my coffee!
Today, we have family coming in from out of town for two days. I’m quite certain there will be some display of symptomatic behavior; company is stressful for everyone, including our sick loved one. It’s always interesting to have outsiders observe our interactions. We become acclimated to the persistent stress and conflict, but see it through the eyes of outsiders. Hopefully, nothing will happen that is too startling, and we can have a nice visit. Fingers crossed.
I am absolutely in the dark about how to navigate with this. We’ll try to provide support and help as they desperately want to talk to professionals about their mistreatment. I don’t want my loved one to be disappointed by the reaction or help they get (or don’t), but neither do I want to be seen as a further barrier to their wishes. We’ll try to do our best to help them get to the resources they think they want, and then try again if that fails. I will continue to rely on God’s guidance to do the right thing, to forgive 7x70, to turn the other cheek, to give them your coat, to love my neighbor. I’m going to stick close for now.
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