Jan 6 2019 Psalm 46

Be still, and know that I am God.

On the very infrequent circumstance of my being still, marvelous things happen. When I’m not bombarded with notifications, tasks, endless loops of what should be or what tomorrow will hold. But unfortunately, my normal state is not stillness. My body, and more importantly, my mind is in constant unstillness.

I’ve tried a boat-load of meditation practices – filling my head with a centering word, or trying to empty my head of all thoughts. Maybe two times have I felt like I’ve been still. I did recently read that meditation has this odd paradox, that when we catch ourselves chasing thoughts – when we feel like we’ve failed – that’s precisely when we’ve done something very good. We were able to separate ourselves from our thoughts, recognize the thoughts were very unstill, and return to our practice – that’s a meditation success, not failure. In my head, I believe it to be true.

But in those moments of stillness, I see things in new ways. I understand things differently. I can put together things differently. I think that’s because we all have such hard-wired ways of being and thinking that we don’t even know or see our bias or paradigms when we’re in action mode. But when we slow down, like in meditation, we can separate ourselves from our thought patterns or actions. How we think, how we react isn’t the same as the truth. And when we’re still we can catch glimpses that it’s simply our autopilot response.

When I’m still or maybe fairer, when I’m stiller than normal, I can see that the world’s actions occur. And I respond. But in between, there’s a space where I can choose my response. When I’m stiller I can sometimes access that space which holds the power of me choosing my reaction.
It’s in that space between action and my reaction, where I can sense God’s presence more fully. Maybe that’s because my normal autopilot state is pretty self-reliant. I’m pretty accomplished at doing whatever I decide. Or at least my autopilot self tells me. It’s almost as if my normal state would modify the psalm so it read, be busy, and know that Carter is God. Not that I believe that at all, but without pause or stillness, I think my actions lean that way.

Trying to get to stillness gives me access to that space before autopilot kicks in. That space where God resides, and is waiting to be involved, and guide, and comfort. Be still, and know that God is God.