May 10 2021 Day 91 1 Chronicles 1:1–9:44

Legacy & Update

We’ve begun the waltz through Chronicles, the first nine chapters of which are recitations of genealogy: Adam to Abraham, and on down the line. It was easy-ish reading, because I admit I skimmed through who was whose mother, and children.

The reflective prompts for the reading focus on heritage and legacy. Do I understand my place in the story of humanity that stretches back to these named Scripture greats? And what do I think of my legacy, of those who will come after me? Hmm. Other than my maternal grandparents, I didn’t grow up with a family that was extended. I didn’t have cousins to visit, and didn’t even know much about my ancestors. My mom was an only child, and my dad had two sisters. Because my dad was 15 years older than my mom and my parents waited nearly 15 years before their surprise kids, his sisters’ kids (my cousins), were significantly older than me. I can’t even tell you how many first cousins I have. It’s not that I don’t love the idea of extended family. I just didn’t grow up in the midst of one. I contrast this with my husband who has three sisters, and eight first cousins all close in age. When they’d get together, it was a big rowdy Hawley party.

My dad’s mom had one sister, who I don’t believe ever had kids. Or so he thought. It turns out that his mom was disowned by her parents for playing piano in a movie house, and only one of her numerous siblings (eight maybe?) stuck with her. My dad found out in his seventies that he had a bevy of first cousins, but if you knew my dad, you’d know that he would have found that interesting, and then moved on to the next interesting thing.

On my mom’s side, my grandmother had one sibling who died young. And I never knew anything about my maternal grandfather. But thanks to Ancestry.com, it turns out he had several siblings, all of whom had several kids.

So between long lost siblings, age difference and disowning, I didn’t associate with and didn’t even know I had a tribe. I also couldn’t trace my lineage back beyond my grandparents. I guess I knew we came from somewhere, but it also felt like we were a nuclear family tribe of our own. All of this is to say that my sense of heritage is vague.

But my sense of legacy is strong. I have three kids, all acquired differently. One step, one biological, one adopted. All three are mine. In all three I see attributes of mine as well as from my parents. My oldest, who I inherited through marriage is a wise, pragmatic mother and occasionally I see in her things that look so much like my mom, it absolutely proves the value of nurture over nature. My biological son is so much like my dad it’s frightening, and my youngest adopted daughter has a spirit I see from my grandmother. I have four grandchildren from my inherited daughter, one of which she inherited through marriage, and I’m not sure if there will be others.

And through my kids, I see my family legacy. I see the traits of my family passed on and influencing my kids and everyone they come in contact with, hopefully mostly the good traits. Even if I don’t know where my mom got her wisdom, or my dad his wit.

Update: My loved one remains in the hospital. This was the first time they’ve been hospitalized after we became legal guardians. We took that action because we had been effectively shut out of their care and placement decisions because of their age and the fact that the illness made us the enemies in their mind. We could not have conversations with the care team, and often release plans were made with only our sick loved one’s input, never mind that they were unable to make rational decisions.

We had hoped that with guardianship, we’d be able to have more ability to partner with the civil system, where a court would rule that they needed treatment or hospitalization, and once hospitalized, we’d be able to have meaningful conversations with the care team.

Alas, that’s not how this guardianship thing is working so far. It turns out that our guardianship preempts the civil placement process. That means that while before our loved one was held because the medical and legal systems agreed they needed to be held, now it is up to us as guardians. The courts will not even review their case. No hearing, no judge, no civil commitment. It’s easier for the courts to NOT have to consider this case. Instead, it’s entirely up to us. Our loved one is currently, and will continue to be held on a “guardian hold”. When our loved one asks if they can be released, the hospital will say it is up to us, her guardians. Ugh.

Apparently, our loved one has already hit up the social workers, explaining that their hospitalization is entirely a mistake and they should be able to leave. They’ve also called us, requesting that we come pick them up immediately. The only partner we have in this is the medical team, which as of yet, has not contacted us. Our plan is to discuss with our loved one that we will agree with the medical care team that they need treatment and need to remain hospitalized as long as the care team recommends. Of course, our loved one will know that we have the ability to ‘break them out’ of the hospital at any time, and will be very very angry when we don’t.

We will also try to remind our loved one that they’re in the hospital because of their behavior and the police’s decision that they needed to be on a public safety hold. Our loved one is the only one who can put themselves in the hospital, but once there, we can keep them in. It will not be a fun conversation, and the relationship with our loved one could be damaged further in the process. Our hope is that they are treated long enough to get stable enough that we cease being seen as the villains.

And for now, they are safe.