They entered into a covenant to seek the LORD, the God of their ancestors, with all their heart and with all their soul.
Asa, a king who did what was good in the sight of the Lord, heard a prophecy from Azariah that basically said that if he sought the Lord, the Lord would be found by him. He gathered all the people, and they entered this covenant with God. I’m intrigued by what they sought. They sought to seek the Lord with all their heart and soul. They didn’t promise to follow God or to obey God, just to seek God, with everything they had.
The accompanying reflection is from Thomas Merton and focuses on all of the things we try to do in covenant with God, things that are not necessary or useful. We want prayers that are precise, useful, and rational as we express our needs or when we conceive God. Merton writes however that we shouldn’t lament if we fail to have that sense of order and definition. Likewise, we want sweetness and consolation when we think of God or when we pray. Merton says don’t be surprised if those disappear too. Um, I don’t like this.
I’ve been ‘off work’ for two weeks now, and during most of that my loved one has been hospitalized. I had lots of visions of how I was going to spend my time. Reading, praying, writing, walking. Making some order of this new reality. And while I’ve done some of that, I’m not feeling any more order. I am feeling, as Merton describes that my “imagination is darkened and thrown into disorder”, but I’m not supposed to be alarmed. To be clear, I’m not despondent or losing sleep, but I’m not as clear as I’d hoped.
Merton continues that this place, this place beyond our borders where we cannot function as we have in the past is precisely where God is found. I can write those words, and in my head, I can understand it; I need to be stripped of all of my self-reliant skills and precepts in order to make room for God’s light. And it’s neither comfortable nor intuitively right.
Maybe it’s as simple as what Asa and his people did. All I need to do now is seek God with all my heart and soul. And not be surprised when things feel unsettled. As Merton concludes that in this confused unsettled state, “He is now beginning to infuse into the soul His own Light and His own Love in one general confused experience of mute attraction and peaceful desire.”
This morning, I’m thinking about seeking nothing more than God. Of not trying to get order or clarity. Just using my whole heart and soul to seek God. I’d like to pray that God would create the order and comfort I feel like I need. But I suspect that’s the wrong approach. What I think I need to focus on is that God will provide the comfort to allow me to settle into the unsettledness, to find comfort in the discomfort.
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