For when Solomon was old, his wives turned away his heart after other gods; and his heart was not true to the LORD his God,
To start off, I’m not going to blame the wives. Solomon had a choice, we all always have a choice. What happens outside our bodies, those things we cannot control, including what other people do, or think or say, or pandemics or illness or violence. But we always have a choice about how to respond. Solomon’s wives didn’t ‘turn away’ Solomon’s heart. Solomon did that all by himself.
And having said that, there’s some truth to the fact that the people we surround ourselves with can influence the choices we make, for good or ill. We get to choose the circles that surround us. I saw a quote once, “you can’t change your friends, but you can change your friends”.
The accompanying reflection for this bit about Solomon’s wayward choices is from Henri Nouwen who writes “When we look critically at the many thoughts and feelings that fill our minds and hearts, we may come to the horrifying discovery that we often choose death instead of life, curse instead of blessing. Jealousy, envy, anger, resentment, greed, lust, vindictiveness, revenge, hatred—they all float in that large reservoir of our inner life”. But God asks us again and again to choose life and blessing. Making this choice requires discipline. I need to practice making life-giving choices, even when the anger or resentment choice might momentarily feel better. I need to exercise my good-choice-making muscles, and they’ll get stronger. Use it or lose it.
Nouwen continues that we cannot always make these choices if we isolate ourselves, if we rely only on our own strength. He says we should surround ourselves with a caring guide or loving community. Yes!
In my own life, it’s so much easier to make choices of blessing when I’m surrounded by others who make similar choices, or at least strive to do so. Likewise, it’s easier to slip into anger, greed, revenge, when it’s those voices I seek or hear.
This morning, I’m thinking about the people I surround myself with, both in person and online. I’ve successfully ‘unfollowed’ my friends who spread negativity. I can love them as friends, but will not fill my social media feed with their darkness. I haven’t gone so far as filling it with kittens and rainbows, but it’s pretty close. Beautiful landscapes, positive affirmations, positive age and body image talk, friends who are thoughtful, life-choosing people. I don’t need to ‘unfriend’, because I’m still friends with my darker friends. I just don’t surround myself with their darkness.
In person, this is a little tougher. When I find myself in the midst of a community that’s not life-bearing, it’s hard to extract myself. But in most circumstances, it can be done. Don’t accept that dinner invitation, pick a different time to go to the break room, have alternate plans for holidays. You can’t change your friends, but you can change your friends.
Solomon made bad choices. They were all his to make. His wives couldn’t force him to worship other gods. But they certainly didn’t help. I want to be aware of the times today that I have the option to choose life, and carefully watch my social media for any signs of darkness. I don’t need that.
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